哈！ Ha!
这是什么？ What is this?
噢！ Uh!
接的好，内徳蒙，绕场跑一圈 Good hands, Nedderman. Take a lap.
简单的说，篮球，不过是装满空气的圆袋子 By itself, a basketball is just a round sack of air.
就像你们中一些人的脑袋一样 Like many of you.
但是在一些经过适当训练... But in the hands of someone properly trained...
并能熟练运用技巧的人手里... in its use and skilled in its art...
这个球将无所不能 this ball can do great things.
沃兹，我在这就能听见你喘气 Oates, l can hear you wheezing from here.
绕场跑一圈，减轻你的哮喘 Take a lap. Lose the asthma.
要想在围墙外的世界存活... To survive outside these walls...
需要的不仅仅数学和科学 you need more than just math and science.
这个世界 The world does not stop...
不会围绕着那些能拼写奇特词语... for people who can spell fancy words...
或者能说出蒙大拿首府的人而转动... or tell you the capital of Montana.
蒙大拿的首都在那里，华森？ The capital of Montana, Watson?
—海伦娜？ —谁管这些？绕场跑一圈 - Helena? - Who cares? Take a lap.
这个世界上唯一重要的东西 女士们，是力量 The only thing that matters in this world, ladies, is strength.
身体的力量 还有思想的力量 Strength of body and strength of mind.
现下，如果你们不够强壮的话... Now if you're not strong enough...
在你们离开校门之前... by the time you leave these doors...
最好还是放弃然后回家找妈妈吧 you may as well give up and go home to your mommas.
或者奶奶 把你的手放下，路易士 Or grandma. Put your hand down, Lewis.
我们都知道你父母去世了，不用总提 We all know your parents died. Give it a rest.
—噢！ —速度快点，内徳蒙 - Oh! - Pick up the pace, Nedderman.
哦，法利，似乎你又忘了穿运动服 Well, Farley, it looks like you forgot your gym clothes again.
不是的，教练，有人... No, sir, somebody--
这是个反问句，法利 lt's a rhetorical question, Farley.
—什么？ —这是个反问句 - What? - lt's a rhetorical question.
意思是你不用回答 That means you don't have to answer it.
因为要么我已经知道了答案... Because either l already know the answer...
要么我根本就不关心你的答案是什么 or l don't care what your answer is.
你知道的，在我的课上，法利... You see, in my class, Farley...
每个人都得穿统一的短裤和运动衫 everyone is required to wear regulation gym shorts and shirt.
古提瑞兹，去拿租金 Gutierrez, go get the rentals.
开始换衣服 Start changing.
—不，线上内换 —什么？ - No, in line. - What?
你知道，更衣室... See, the locker room is reserved...
是为那些带合适衣服来的人准备的 for people who brought the appropriate attire.
—你在这换 —没关系的，约翰，坚强点 - You change here. - lt's OK, John. Be strong.
不准说话，内徳蒙，再跑10圈 No talking, Nedderman. 10 laps.
和威兹一起 Take Wheezy with you.
快点，开始吧 Come on, let's go.
这些，法利，共有25美分 The rentals, Farley, that's 25 cents.
—但是有人偷了我的... —我...我没有问你问题，法利 - But somebody stole my-- - l--l didn't ask you a question, Farley.
—这回连反问句都没说 —嗯... - Not even a rhetorical one. - Uh...
似乎某人需要好好上一课了... lt seems to me that someone needs a lesson...
关于个人责任 in personal responsibility.
一个引体向上都做不了吗，法利？ Not even one chin-up, Farley?
坚持不住了！ Can't hang on!
你真给全世界那些... You are a disgrace to fat...
脂肪堆积，身体肥硕的小孩丢脸 gelatinous, out-of-shape little kids the world over.
我不能容忍在我的体育馆里有失败者 l don't tolerate losers in my gymnasium.
—你打算当一个失败者吗？ —不，教练 - Are you gonna be a loser? - No, sir.
反问一下，法利 我已经知道答案了 Rhetorical, Farley. l already know the answer.
当心，内徳蒙 Heads up, Nedderman.
噢！ Uh!
难道你就没有想过放手吗 Don't you even think about letting go.
啊！ Uh!
—你们准备好放手了吗？ —准备好了！ - You guys ready to let go? - Yeah!
太好了！ All right!
—法利先生？ —哦，是的，你好 - Mr. Farley? - Oh, sure. How you doing?
—好的，你叫什么？ —史考特 - All right, what's your name? - Scott.
约翰，你没有时间做这些 John, you don't have time for this.
—哦... —拜拜 - Oh... - Bye-bye.
对不起了，伙计们 l'm sorry, guys.
—让往事随风而去 —约翰！约翰！ - Keep letting go. - John! John!
好的，记住，他们都是讨厌的缠人鬼 OK, now remember they're all potential stalkers.
大多数人只想要拍张照和握下手... Most want an autograph and a handshake...
但是有一些人除了这些... but some of them want an autograph and a handshake...
还想带你回家，把你绑起来... and then they want to take you home, tie you up...
然后锯掉你的脚 and saw your feet off.
—好了，大家好 —约翰，法利 - Well, hi there. - John Farley.
你写的书救了我的命 Your book saved my life.
我什么也没做，是你自己做到的 l didn't do anything. You did it.
我所做的只是给你一个橡皮船 All l did was give you the raft.
—而你得自己充气 —嗯 - You had to inflate it yourself. - Mm-hm.
法利，我过去常常觉得自己 因为重量而被别人排斥 Mr. Farley, l used to feel ostracized because of my weight.
但是在你的帮助下 我又开始重拾我的自信了 But with your help l'm starting to get my self-confidence back.
哈！真是个很棒的经历 Ha! That's a great story.
为什么不去试试免费咖啡和甜甜圈呢？ Why don't you check out the free coffee and donuts?
哦！ Oh!
放手，你的意思是不是 我们应该忘掉一切？ By letting go, do you mean we should just forget everything?
我妈妈说她 如果能忘记在路叔叔家过的那个夏天 My mom said he wouldn't drink so much...
她不会喝这么多酒... if he could just forget about that summer in Uncle Lou's house.
哦，我们都有一个路叔叔 Well, we all have an Uncle Lou.
而且我们都会因为不同的原因喝酒 And we all drink for different reasons.
漫长的一天 Long day.
我感觉我都快握不住笔了 l don't even think l can hold a pen anymore.
我给你点建议吧 我也给过尼尔森曼德拉同样的建议... Let me give you the same advice l gave Nelson Mandela...
在他最后一次巡回签书会 on his last book tour.
别再抱怨了，娘娘腔 Quit whining, you pussy.
—很受用 —你不知道... - That's helpful. - You have no idea...
我怎么解救了你 the stuff that l am saving you from.
一些内布拉斯加州的家伙 想给你... Some shithole in Nebraska wanted to give you...
他们的玉米壳桶还是什么东西 their corn husk bucket or something.
玉米芯钥匙？ The Corn Cob Key?
嗯？是这个吗？我...我不知道 内布拉斯加州商会... Uh, is that what it is? l--l don't know. ''The Forest--
...森林牧场部... ''...Meadow Nebraska Chamber of Commerce...
希望授予约翰，法利先生 这个城市的玉米芯钥匙荣誉 ''wishes to award Mr. John Farley the Corn Cob Key to the City.''
哦，我的天啊，这是我的家乡 Oh, my God. This is my hometown.
—这太棒了，你怎么跟他们说的？ —我告诉他们好 - This is awesome. What did you tell them? - l told them yes.
—真的？ —不是 - Really? - No.
为什么？等一下 Why? Wait.
麦姬，玉米芯钥匙是一项很高的荣誉 Maggie, the Corn Cob Key is a huge honor.
他们很少给别人这个荣誉的... They hardly ever give it out anymore...
但是一旦他们颁了这个奖 这就是整个玉米嘉年华会的最高荣誉 but when they do it's the highlight of the whole cornival.
对不起，你刚才说玉米嘉年华会？ l'm sorry. Did you just say cornival?
哦，是的，这是一个农业城镇... Well, yeah. lt's a farm town...
所以，你知道 我们每年都会举办一个大型庆典 so, you know, every year we have this big celebration.
玉米，嘉年华，玉米嘉年华 Corn carnival. Cornival.
—玉米嘉年华 —麦姬，你不明白 - Cornival. - Maggie, you don't understand.
我妈妈是1970年的玉米芯皇后 My mom was Corn Cob Queen in 1970.
我的意思是 她现在仍然参加每年的游行 l mean, she still rides in the parade every year.
—这对她来说意义非比寻常 —玉米嘉年华？ - This will mean so much to her. - Cornival?
知道吗？给他们回电话 You know what? Call them back.
我可以明天早上飞 回去给她一个惊喜，太完美了 l could fly in tomorrow and surprise her. lt's perfect.
只有法院传令才能让我去见我妈 You would need a court order to make me go see my mom.
这不一样，自从我父亲去世后 我就是她的全部 This is different. Since my dad died, l'm all she's got.
哦，你父亲去世了？ Oh, your dad's dead?
这是我的书里最重要的一个主题 lt's a major theme of my book.
这本书的整个最后一章都在写 我怎么从失去他的悲痛中走出来 The whole last chapter's about how l let go of that pain.
你还没有读过我的书吧，是吗？ You haven't read my book, have you?
好吧，现在什么都不重要了 你刚刚已经破坏了结局 Well, there's no point now. You just ruined the ending.
嗨，约翰！ Hi, John!
欢迎回家，约翰，哈哈哈！ Welcome home, John. Ha ha ha!
卢克杰瑟普，嗯，森林牧场镇议会 Luke Jessop, uh, Forest Meadow Town Council.
我们很感激你能在百忙中抽出时间... We appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule...
回...回...回...回家见这些人 to--to--to come home and see the little people.
谢谢你，这太棒了 Thank you. This is great.
能得到玉米芯钥匙真是太荣幸了 lt's an honor to be considered worthy of the Corn Cob Key.
哦，你应得的，年轻... Well, you've earned it, young--
年轻人 我们为你感到非常骄傲 Young man. We are mighty proud of you.
因此，代表... So on behalf of--of--
代表我们大家，约翰 Well, of all of us, John...
—恭喜你！ —哈哈哈！ - Corn-gratulations! - Ha ha ha!
...著名的奖品...玉米海鲜杂烩浓汤... ...Famous award-winning corn chowder--
—强尼！哦，我的天啊，你回来了！ —嘿！ - Johnny! Oh, my God, you're here! - Hey!
—你过的怎么样啊？ —哦！ - How are you? - Oh!
我听到你的新闻了，还试着给你打电话 但是现在你回家了！ l heard your news and l tried to call you but now you're here!
我刚下飞机，想给你一个惊喜 l was flying in. l wanted to surprise you.
—哦！我为你感到骄傲 —谢谢，妈妈 - Oh! l am so proud of you. - Thank you, Mom.
进展怎么样？签书会还顺利吗？ How's it going? ls the book tour good?
—是的，很顺利 —你过的开心吗？ - Yeah, it's good. - Are you having fun?
是啊，我很开心，你看上去也不错 Yeah, l'm happy. You look great.
—谢谢 —是啊，你正准备出去吗？ - Thanks. - Yeah. You going somewhere?
是的，我有个约会 Yeah. l have a date.
—真的？ —是的 - Really? - Yeah.
—你在跟某人约会？ —是的 - A--Are you seeing someone? - Yeah.
哦，我的天啊，太好了，已经多久了？ Oh, my God. That's fantastic. For how long?
—5个月 —什么？为什么你从来没有提过？ - 5 months. - What? Why didn't you mention it?
哦，因为你不喜欢我有约会 Oh, because you don't like to hear when l have a date.
—哦，好吧，他是个什么样的人？ —哦，他很不错 - Oh, well, so what's he like? - Oh, he's great.
他很帅而且他...他很温柔也很体... He's so handsome and he's-- he's sweet and consid--
—他是个绅士 —哦，妈妈，我真为你感到高兴 - He's a gentleman. - Oh, Mom, l'm so happy for you.
—谢谢 —我都迫不及待想见他了 - Thanks. - l can't wait to meet him.
—你知道吗，你认识他 —我认识他？ - You know, you know him already. - l do?
是的 Yeah.
伍德考克先生？ Mr. Woodcock?
法利，我给你带了些雏菊 Farley, l brought you some daisies.
—贾斯伯！ —对不起，我迟到了，亲爱的 - Jasper! - Sorry, l'm late, honey.
没关系的 That's OK.
嗯，这是强尼 Uh, this is Johnny.
我儿子，你现在还记得他吗？ My son. Do you remember him now?
不记得了 No.
—但是我听说了很多关于他的事 —嗯 - But l've heard a lot. - Hm.
不是每天都可以和名人握手的 lt's not every day you get to shake hands with a celebrity.
哈哈哈！ Ha ha ha!
—嗯，你准备好晚餐了吗？ —嗯 - Uh, you ready for dinner? - Mm-hm.
我不知道你是不是... l don't know about you...
但我已经想了一整天的肉了 but l've been thinking about meat all day long.
我不敢相信你都不记得他了 l can't believe you don't remember him.
他那时可是最可爱的孩子 He was the cutest kid.
大概这么高，还有他那肉呼呼的小脸 About this high with his chubby little cheeks.
—妈妈 —这么多年来我教过很多胖小孩 - Mom. - l had a lot of fat kids over the years.
哦，他不胖！ Oh, he wasn't fat!
等一下 Wait a minute.
我想起来了 lt's coming back to me.
你不是那个在平衡木上... You're not that kid that got the squirts...
尿裤子的孩子，是吗？ on the balance beam that time, were you?
—贾斯伯 —不是 - Jasper. - No.
事实上我很清楚的记得你 Actually l remember you pretty well.
你对我总是有很多特别关照 You kinda gave me a lot of personal attention back then.
—哦 —其实，我很关注孩子们的健康问题 - Aw. - Well, l take a healthy interest in the kids.
这会对他们以后的生活很有帮助 Serves them well later in life.
哦，那是真的，那是真的， 那就是为什么... Oh, that's so true, that's so true. And that is why...
他们评选贾斯伯为年度教育家 they're making Jasper the Educator of the Year.
—你开玩笑吧！ —为什么她是开玩笑？ - You're kidding! - Why would she be kidding?
哦，我的天啊，我的天啊 你们知道我刚刚想到什么吗？ Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! You know what l just realized?
我的两位男士在同一周获得荣誉 Both of my fellas are being honored in the same week.
他们给强尼颁发了玉米芯钥匙 They're giving Johnny the Corn Cob Key.
你开玩笑吧 You're kidding.
我正在跑步，他在我旁边的一条小道 So l'm doing laps at the Y and he's in the next lane...
突然我失足滚了下去 and all of a sudden my leg seizes up and l go under.
真是可怕的抽筋，如果我没记错的话... lt was a bad cramp. And if l remember correctly...
好像是... l think it was about...
—这 —哈哈哈 - Right here. - Ha ha ha.
咳，那么，他救了你的命？ Ahem. So he saved your life, then?
看上去是这样的 Well, it was the shallow end.
你在六英尺深的水里能淹死 You can drown in six inches of water.
—确实如此 —嗯 - That is so true. - Hm.
好吧，请原谅我失陪一下... Well, if you will excuse me...
我要去一下，洗手间 l am going to, uh, the ladies room.
两位男士慢用 You boys behave yourself.
你的书是写什么的？ So what's your book about?
哦，嗯... Oh. Um...
他教人们如何减轻痛苦的回忆... well, it teaches people how to release painful memories...
好让他们重建自尊 so they can rebuild their self-esteem.
书名是放手，怎样让你的过去成为过去 lt's called Letting Go. How To Get Past Your Past.
我已经让我的过去成为过去了 l'm already past my past.
这就是为什么它被叫做我的过去 That's why it's called my past.
好吧，有些人觉得我的书很有用 Well, some people find my book helpful.
我猜肯定有很多失败者 Lot of losers out there, l guess.
你们是否愿意来上一杯浓咖啡 嗯，卡布其诺？ Well, would you like an espresso, er, cappuccino...?
—嗯，来一杯... —买单 - Um, a cup-- - Just the check.
哦，好的 Oh, OK.
谢谢，伙计 Thanks, guys.
嗯，我请客 Um, my treat.
你是客人，我来吧 You're the guest. l'll take care of it.
不，真的，没关系 No, really, it's fine.
我付得起 l can afford it.
那你意思是我付不起了？ So you're saying l can't?
不，当然不是 No, of course not.
那为什么不收起你的钱，然后让我来？ Well, then, why don't you take your own advice and, uh, let go?
谢谢，贾斯伯，你真好 Thank you, Jasper. That is so sweet.
强尼，你难道没什么要说的吗？ Johnny, don't you have something to say?
谢谢 Thank you.
不客气 Don't mention it.
—哈哈哈 —我向上帝发誓这是真的 - Ha ha ha. - l swear to God it's true.
不，不，不，不，不，谢谢你，亲爱的 No, no, no. No. No. Thank you, honey.
不，我不相信你，你没有痛打圣诞老人 No, l don't believe you. You did not beat Santa Claus up.
—别说了 —那个时候我7岁 - Stop it. - l was 7 years old at the time.
学校的一些小孩给我说没有圣诞老人 And some kids at school told me that there's no Santa Claus.
然后呢？ Uh-huh?
然后，在平安夜我下了楼... Well, on Christmas Eve when l come downstairs...
然后看到一些家伙在圣诞树下晃来晃去... and see some guy messing around under the Christmas tree...
我走进父亲的储藏室... l go to my dad's closet...
—然后拿了一个三号木杆... —哦，不！ - and get a three wood-- - Oh, no!
接下来的事就可想而知了 鲍勃叔叔进了医院 And next thing you know, Uncle Bob's in the hospital.
不！可怜的鲍勃叔叔 No! Oh, poor Uncle Bob.
那一年他是用麦杆吃完整个圣诞晚餐的 Ate the entire Christmas dinner through a straw that year.
—不！ —是的 - No! - Yeah.
真是个不错的故事 What a great story.
不过，我觉得现在已经很晚了 Well, l guess we'd better call it a night.
见到你很高兴，伍德考克先生 lt's good to see you, Mr. Woodcock.
好吧，我想 我可以把她借给你一晚上，法利 Well, l guess l could let you have her for one night, Farley.
可能对一个老肌肉男来说... Probably good for the old hip flexor...
休息一晚是最好的了，对吧？ to take a night off anyway, huh?
—贾斯伯！ —哈哈哈！是啊 - Jasper! - Ha ha ha! Yeah.
真是的有趣的夜晚，真棒，你们两！ That was a fun night. Come on, you guys!
你们两个！ You guys! Ooooohhhhhh! Mmmm!
—我明天给你打电话，亲爱的 —好的 - l'll call you tomorrow, honey. - OK.
—法利 —是 - Farley. - Yep.
伍德考克先生 Mr. Woodcock.
他很容易相处的 And he is just so easy to be with.
上个月...我们去野营 Last month... we went camping.
—你疼恨野营 —我知道！ - You hate camping. - l know!
我的意思是，只有我们两个人去了三天... l mean, it was just the 2 of us for 3 days...
那简直是天堂 and it was heaven.
哈哈哈，太棒了 Ha ha ha. lt was great.
哇 Wow.
强尼，嗯... Johnny, um...
他真的是第一个自从你父亲... this is really the first guy since your father...
那个...让我感觉对的人 that...has felt right.
我给你拿些牛奶 l'll get you some milk.
哦！看看我们有什么 Oh! Look what l've got.
巧克力味的 Chocolate, please.
这些年来我教过很多胖小孩 l had a lot of fat kids over the years.
—这是强尼 —很多胖小孩 - This is Johnny. - A lot of fat kids.
现在还记得他吗？ Remember him now?
不，我想肯定有很多失败者 No. A lot of losers out there, l guess.
啊！ Arrgh!
可能对于一个老肌肉男来说... Probably good for the old hip flexor...
休息一晚是最好的了，是吗？ 哈哈哈！ to take a night off anyway, huh? Ha ha ha!
你什么时候来的？ When did you get here?
大约在你跟我说完晚安的十分钟后 About 10 minutes after you said good night to me.
一个引体向上都做不了吗，法利？ Not even one chin-up, Farley?
你真给全世界那些... You are a disgrace to fat...
脂肪堆积，身体肥硕的小孩丢脸 gelatinous, out-of-shape little kids the world over.
—能给我一杯水吗？ —当然 - Can l get a glass of water, please? - Sure.
狗娘养的！ Son of a bitch!
—对不起 —约翰．法利？ - l'm sorry. - John Farley?
—内徳蒙？ —不敢相信真的是你！ - Nedderman? - l can't believe it's really you!
我已经把你的书看了有900遍了... l've read your book like 900 times...
而且不仅仅是样子... and l'm not just saying this...
它还彻彻底底的改变了我的生活！ it's totally changed my life!
真的吗？那太好了，兄弟 Really? That's great, man.
该死，是的，我在这做全职工作... Hell, yeah. l work here full-time...
而且我也正在开创自己的泳池清洁事业 and also l'm starting my own pool cleaning business.
迄今为止我所拥有的是一辆面包车 但是...但是至少我已经起步了，对吗？ All l've got so far is a van but--but at least it's a start, right?
每一段旅程总会从某处开始 Well, every journey has to start somewhere.
第二章，你完全正确 Chapter 2. You're totally right.
完全正确 Totally right.
你相信吗？伍德考克牌平底比萨？ Can you believe it? The Woodcock pan pizza?
接下来呢，希特勒牌馅饼？ What's next, the Hitler calzone?
是啊，哦，你肯定更难接受这个 Yeah, well, you're never gonna believe this.
过分先生在和我妈约会 Mr. Deepdish is dating my mom.
伍德考克？ 他在搞你妈？ Woodcock? He's doing your mom?
—等一下，我没有说做-- —听到了吗，米奇？ - Wait. l wouldn't say doing-- - Hear that, Mitch?
伍德考克在和他妈上床！ Woodcock's slamming his mom!
—你不用这么宣传吧 —嘿，伙计们！ - You don't have to announce it. - Hey, guys!
知道吗，伍德考克在上这个家伙他妈 Check it out. Woodcock's stuffing this dude's mom.
伍德考克在干你妈？ Woodcock's pounding your mom?
嘿嘿，伙计们，别这样，放尊重点 Hey, hey, guys, come on. Show a little respect.
如果伍德考克操的是你妈 你什么感觉？ How would you feel if Woodcock was porking your mom?
伍德考克在操你妈！ Woodcock's porking your mom!
—伍德考克在操你妈！ —嘿，你们给我闭嘴 - Woodcock's porking your mom! - Hey, shut your trap...
否则别想要你们的乳酪面包，知道吗！ or you're not getting that cheesy bread!
我要我的乳酪面包！ l want my cheesy bread!
那就闭嘴！ Then shut up!
闭上你们的嘴就给你们乳酪面包，知道吗？ Keep your mouth shut and you get your cheesy bread, all right?
很抱歉，你想要点免费切片面包吗？ l'm sorry about that. You want a slice on the house?
香肠还有洋葱，另加酱料，可以吗？ Sausage and onion. Extra sauce, right?
不，我真的已经不再吃这些东西了 No, l don't really eat that stuff anymore.
是，是，我...我... 我也可能会没有胃口... Yeah, yeah, l--l--l'd probably lose my appetite too...
如果伍德考克上的是我妈妈 if Woodcock was giving it to my mom.
那个家伙绝对是个恶魔 The guy is pure evil.
你知道吗，他杀了，沃兹？ You know he killed Oates?
—什么？ —是的 - What? - Yeah.
记得吗，每天放学后 Remember, Woodcock used to make Oates do, like, 6 miles...
伍德考克常常让沃兹跑 好像是6英里...？ every day after school?
那家伙有严重的哮喘，伙计，根本撑不住 The guy had bad asthma, dude, you can't just run through that.
混蛋，那，他是什么时候死的？ Holy shit. Well, when did he die?
两年前，但都是伍德考克的错 A couple of years ago. But it was all Woodcock.
啊... Ah--
伙计，听着，我们不能因为 沃兹的选择而责备伍德考克 Man, look, we can't blame Woodcock for Oates's choices.
沃兹可以停下来的，不是吗？ Oates coulda stopped running, right?
当你做出了自己的选择时... When you make a blame sandwich...
你得承担这个所带来的后果 you gotta be prepared to eat it yourself.
第十章，你完全正确 Chapter 10. You're totally right.
那你打算怎么办呢？ So what are you gonna do?
我觉得是应该跟伍德考克好好谈一谈了 l think it's time Woodcock and l had a talk.
两个人之间最近的距离... The shortest distance between 2 people--
是交流 Communication.
天啊，你一定钓到了不少小妞 God, you must get so laid.
法利，传球 Farley, pass the ball.
一个引体向上也做不了吗，法利？ Not even one pull-up, Farley?
你打算要做一个失败者吗，法利？ Are you gonna be a loser, Farley?
我不能容忍在我的体育馆里有失败者 l don't tolerate losers in my gymnasium.
现在，在我们探索这个 摇摆不定的球之前... Now, before we begin our exploration of wiffleball...
我认为得先做一个小小的装备检查 l think a little equipment check is in order.
好的，丹尼肯？ Well, Dunningham?
腿张开，丹尼肯 Spread 'em, Dunningham.
好的，不需要给我看这个，丹尼肯 That's OK. l don't need to see the cup, Dunningham.
放在内裤里 Keep it in your pants.
看到了，女士们，有备而来很重要 You see, ladies, it's important that you come prepared to class.
因为当你准备了... Because when we're prepared...
你就准备好迎接生活的挑战了 then we're ready to face life's challenges.
那么，法利 让我们看看你今天有没有准备 Well, Farley, let's see whether or not you came prepared today.
腿张开 Spread 'em.
不好意思，你有访客通行证吗？ Excuse me. Do you have a visitors' pass?
翠西．德沃勒？ Tracy Dettweiler?
—约翰．法利？ —什...你还记得我？ - John Farley? - Wh--You remember me?
是啊，你很出名！ Well, yeah, you're famous!
你在这做什么？ What are you doing here?
哦，天...你在这做什么？ Oh, gee...what are you doing here?
哦，我...我教英语 Oh, l--l teach English.
—哇 —哈哈哈！ - Wow. - Ha ha ha!
我真希望你是我的英语老师 l really wish l had you as an English teacher.
这样我上课就专心多了 l would have paid way more attention in class.
哈哈哈！等一下，你是哪一级的？ Ha ha ha! Wait a minute. What year were you in again?
嗯，实际上，跟你一样 Uh, same as you, actually.
—真的？ —是的，我是... - Really? - Yeah. l was--
实际上我是你7年级的实验助手 l was actually your 7th grade lab partner.
等等，胖约翰？ Wait. Fat John?
—不可能！胖约翰！ —是的 - No way! Fat John! - Yeah.
是的，我曾经很胖 Yep, l was fat.
哈哈哈！ Ha ha ha!
哇，你变了很多 Wow, you've changed a lot.
是啊，谢谢 Yeah. Thank you.
不客气，他们将授予你玉米芯钥匙荣誉 You're welcome. A--And they're giving you the Corn Cob Key.
—我的意思是，太棒了 —其实，这没什么 - l mean, that's amazing. - Nah, it's nothing.
别谦虚，我...我...我喜欢你的书 Don't be modest. l--l--l love your book.
我的意思是，你值得拥有这个荣誉 l mean, you totally deserve the award.
—什...真的？ —是的 - Wh--Really? - Yeah.
—哇，谢谢 —嗯 - Wow, thank you. - Mm.
听着，你今天晚上有事吗？ 你想不想，嗯... Say, listen, what are you doing tonight? Do you want to, uh--um...
嗯，喝一杯或者出去吃个晚餐什么的？ uh, a drink or go out for dinner or something?
我很...愿意去，但是我...不行 l'd...love to but l--l can't.
我得训练啦啦队 l've got cheerleading practice.
—挺好的 —不！ - That's awesome. - No!
我现在是教练 l'm the coach now.
—哦，哦 —是的 - Oh, oh. - Yeah.
嗯，这...这是我的电话 Um, h--here's my number.
打给我 Call me.
—我会的 —好的，再见了 - l will. - OK. Bye.
再见 Bye.
天啊，我真高兴我写了那本书 God, l'm so glad l wrote that book!
根据我的课程提纲... According to my syllabus...
我们现在应该开始学习摔跤了 we should be well into wrestling by now.
但是，因为你们不够专注... But because of your lack of focus...
我们现在还没完成足球的基础部分 we've yet to get past the fundamentals of kickball.
克瑞默，短打的第一条规则 Kreamer, first rule of Bunting.
嗯，不...不要... Um, do--don't--
足球里没有短打，克瑞默 There is no Bunting in kickball, Kreamer.
十个扶地挺身 Set of ten.
亨德森，你为什么没有绑鞋带？ Henderson, is there a reason why your shoe is untied?
—嗯... —你知道在足球场上... - Um-- - You see on the kickball field...
像那样的错误可以让你坐轮椅 a screw-up like that can put you in a wheelchair.
你将来不得不用你的头... You'll end up writing your name...
绑住铅笔在纸上写你的名字... with a pencil taped to your head...
这样度过余生，十个扶地挺身 the rest of your life. Set of ten.
如果你们学不会任何运动的基础知识... Until you learn the basics of any sport...
你就不能参加这项运动... you cannot participate in it...
更别说获胜了 let alone excel in it.
你到这里来有什么事？ What are you doing in my class?
哦，对不起，我不是故意要打断你的 Oh, l'm sorry. l didn't mean to interrupt.
你已经打断了，十个扶地挺身 Well, you did. Set of ten.
—什么？ —开玩笑 - What? - lt was a joke.
—你想做什么？ —也许我应该回去 - What do you want? - Maybe l should just come back.
也许你应该现在就说... Maybe you should spit it out now...
这样我就不用向他们的父母解释... so l don't have to explain to their parents...
为什么他们没有按时毕业 why they didn't graduate on time.
好吧，，我只是感觉... Well, l've just been feeling...
我们之间有种紧张的气氛 like there's been some tension between us.
就像那次晚餐，关于买单的事， 还有，嗯... Like at dinner, with the check, and uh...
我猜，我只是想说... l guess l just wanted to say...
有一些是我的错 that some of that might have been my fault.
不好意思，他看上去很痛苦 l'm sorry, he seems to be in pain.
—谁？ —他！ - Who? - Him!
他很好，克瑞默 膝盖离地 He's fine. Kreamer, off your knees.
可是，他看上去一点都不好 Well, he doesn't look fine.
听着，我还要上课... Listen, l have a class to teach...
所以，为什么不直接说你的重点呢 如果你有的话？ so why don't you get to your point, if you've got one?
我猜我只是想说声抱歉 l guess l just wanted to say l'm sorry.
而且我想你也感到有些抱歉 And l'm sure for your part you're a little sorry too.
—我一点都不感到抱歉 —什么？ - l don't do sorry. - What?
只有那些罪犯和成事不足败事有余的人 才会感到抱歉，我两者都不是 Sorry is for criminals and screw-ups and l'm neither one.
起来吧，亨德森 Get up, Henderson.
不是你，克瑞默 Not you, Kreamer.
现在，如果你不介意的话... Now, if you don't mind...
我要继续上课了 these children are in need of an education.
西沃兹，你最好克服... Schwartz, you better fight your way...
你的口吃... past that stutter of yours...
告诉我足球里面的高飞球规则 and tell me about the pop fly rule as it pertains to kickball.
好...好的，，它...它... W--Well, it--it--
它... lt--
—当... —十...十...十...十...十个扶地挺身 - When-- - S--s--s--s--s--s--s--set of ten.
好吧，我妈想和这个混蛋约会 那就继续吧 Fine. My mom wants to date that asshole, she can go right ahead.
第12章，决不干预别人的生活 Chapter 1 2. Never interfere in other people's lives.
我觉得伍德考克跟你不合适 l don't think Mr. Woodcock's right for you.
—真的吗？ —是的 - Really? - Yeah.
他，嗯... He's, um...
事实上，他不是一个好人，妈妈 well, the truth is, he's not a very nice person, Mom.
—他不是？ —你还记不记得我过去常常... - He isn't? - Do you remember when l used to...
每天哭着从学校回家？ come home crying every day after school?
你太敏感了 You were so sensitive.
那也是为什么你擅长你现在所做的 That's why you're so good at what you do.
这跟敏感没有关系，妈妈 lt's not about being sensitive, Mom.
他让我们每个人都很痛苦 He made all of us miserable.
甜心，你只是讨厌跟运动有关的东西 Sweetheart, you just hated anything athletic.
你不能因为这个而恨贾斯伯 You can't blame Jasper for that.
你不像我这么了解他 You don't know him like l do.
你也不像我这么了解他 And you don't know him like l do.
—他碰过我了 —什么？ - He touched me. - What?
好吧，这不是真的 OK, that's not true.
但是他很卑鄙，而且他很残忍 But he's mean, and he's cruel.
妈妈，告诉你，他还在... Mom, l'm telling you, he's still--
他还在什么？ He's still what?
他还在教体育 He's still teaching gym.
—哦！你给我带了些什么？ —晚餐 - Oh! What'd you bring me? - Dinner.
对不起我迟到了，漫长的一天 被一些事给耽搁了 Sorry l'm late. Had a long day. Got a little behind.
哇，贾斯伯烤的肉 是全内部拉斯加州最好吃的 Wow. Jasper grills the best beef in Nebraska.
我因为我做的烤肉而出名 Well, l am known for my meat.
你只买了两块，宝贝 You only got 2 though, sweetie.
对不起，我刚给忘了 l'm sorry. l guess it must have slipped my mind.
约翰，你不介意再跑去商店一趟吧？ John, you don't mind running to the store, do you?
不会 No.
别急 Take your time.
我因为我做的烤肉而出名！ ''l'm known for my meat!''
我因为我做的烤肉而出名！ ''l'm known for my meat.''
事实上，你不是因为烤肉而出名 伍德考克 Actually, you're not known for your meat, Woodcock.
你是因为在精神上摧残... You're known for emotionally crippling...
整整一代儿童而出名 an entire generation of children.
白痴！ Dickhead!
妈妈 Mom.
甜心 Sweetheart.
出什么事了？ What's wrong?
贾斯伯和我不再约会了 Jasper and l are no longer dating.
哦 Oh.
真伤感 That's so sad.
发生什么事了？ What happened?
我们订婚了 We're engaged.
噢 Oh.
我们得到祝贺了吗？ Have we heard a congratulations yet?
哦，我想他太惊喜了 Oh, l think he's in shock.
真好 That's so good.
哦，我去接 Oh, l'll get it.
我已经想散布这个消息了 l wanna start spreading the news.
嗯 Mm.
哈哈哈 Ha ha ha.
你好？ Hello?
似乎我要成你的新爸爸了 Well, it looks like l'm gonna be your new dad.
拜托，强尼，留下来吧，跟我们一起庆祝 Come on, Johnny. Stay, help us celebrate.
对不起，妈妈，我要忙签书会 Sorry, Mom. Book tour emergency.
我得赶去机场 l have to get to the airport.
—你还没吃饭呢 —我...我可以路上随便吃点 - You haven't eaten. - l--l'll grab something on the way.
我爱你，妈妈，真高兴见到你 l love you, Mom. lt's great to see you.
我也爱你 l love you too.
法利 Farley.
一路平安 Be safe.
厄利，米利，麦利... Eenie, meanie, miney...
法利 Farley.
没有什么东西比摔跤 There's no truer test of the human spirit...
更能锻炼人的意志 than wrestling.
这叫做，撂倒 That's called a takedown.
给我起来，法利 Get up, Farley.
有许多撂倒的种类 There are many kinds of takedowns.
今天我们将学习一些我最擅长的招数 Today, we're going to cover some of my favorites.
这叫做头手并用 This is called the head and arm.
这叫做单脚摔 This is called the single leg sweep.
抬起对方的脚，然后摔出去 You step and you sweep!
这叫做消防员之摔 This is called the fireman's throw.
穿过胯部，托住屁股，像弹弓一样弹出去 Shoot the crotch, collapse the hip and sling shot.
好了，法利，轮到你了 OK, Farley, you're up.
什么？ What?
把我撂倒 Put me on the mat.
快点，没有听到我说话么？ Come on. You were paying attention, weren't you?
快！ Let's go.
好，把我撂倒 OK, take me down.
你们知道像他这样的小肥猪 You see there is no reason why even a little porker like this...
绝对可以把我放倒在地 shouldn't be able to take me straight to the mat.
我曾经看过一个四英尺高的老人... l once saw a 4-foot Laotian...
撂倒一个250磅重瑞典人... twist a 250lb Swede so hard...
他血染整个看台 that he mopped the bleachers with his blood.
我还牢牢站着的原因就是 The only reason l'm still standing...
你不相信自己，法利！ is because you don't believe in yourself, Farley!
你不相信自己！ You don't believe in yourself!
停车！停！ Stop the cab! Stop!
我实在不敢相信，我太蠢了 Don't believe in myself, my ass!
我一直都很相信自己 l invented believing in yourself.
那家伙把我从自己家里赶走 简直不可理喻 No way in hell this guy's gonna run me out of my own house.
哇，伍德考克还在缠着你妈？ Wow. Woodcock's still plowing your mom, huh?
他和我妈订婚了 He's marrying her.
等等，伍德考克和你妈订婚了？ Wait, Woodcock's marrying your mom?
哈哈，兄弟 Ha ha ha. Dudes!
想都不要想！ Don't even think about it!
给我一手啤酒！ Get me a pitcher!
这算什么意思，大家伙？ What is that, Canadian bacon?
我想你跟他的谈话没用，是吧？ So l guess the talk didn't go very well?
你能想像 我和伍德考克生活在一个屋檐下么？ God, can you imagine my family with Woodcock in it?
耶诞节的领带呢，法利？ 十个扶地挺身！ A tie for Christmas, Farley? Set of ten!
没有把蔬菜吃完？跑一圈去 You didn't eat your vegetables? Take a lap.
你叫那个为孙子？反问句，法利 You call that a grandchild? Rhetorical question, Farley.
太糟了，你准备怎么办？ That sucks. What are you gonna do?
我准备干掉伍德考克 l'm gonna kill Woodcock.
—你必须帮我 —约翰 - And you're gonna help me. - John.
我已经罢过两次工了，我不能... l've already got 2 strikes and l can't be a part of--
我只是在发泄，可以么？ 如果一个人在发泄的时候那么说没问题吧？ l'm just venting here. ls that OK? ls it OK if a guy vents?
那当然，我认为你是认真的 Yeah, sure, because l thought you were serious.
哈，有了，我准备拆散他们 Ha! l've got it. l'm gonna break them up.
你想怎么做？ How are you gonna do that?
你知道，过去我犯过一个错误 You see, l made a mistake before.
我竟然给他机会踢我出局 l let him take me out of my game.
但这一次，我将进入他的脑袋 But this time, l'm gonna get inside his head...
搞清楚他究竟想干嘛 and spin him like a top.
太棒了！ 我怎么不记得你的书里有写到这个？ That's good. l don't remember anything like that in your book.
我没写这个，内徳蒙 lt's not in my book, Nedderman.
—你好 —嗨，约翰 - Hello. - Hey, John.
—我最爱的作家过得怎样？ —嗨，麦姬 - How's my favorite author? - Hey, Maggie.
等等 Hold on a second.
好了，不说废话了 OK, Mommy time's over.
别太难过 But don't be sad.
嗯..是的，其实我正要帮你说这事 Yeah, uh, actually, l gotta talk to you about that.
我知道这个星期天你有一大堆的事情要做 l know you have some kind of corn chowder thing on Sunday...
但是，我有一个令人欣喜的消息， 欧普拉... but look, l have amazing news. Oprah...
正在考虑把你的书放到图书俱乐部里 is seriously considering your book for the book club.
太难以置信了， 我帮你订了九点半的飞机... lt's unbelievable. l have you on a 9:30 flight out...
我会在圣路易斯转机的航班上等你 and then l'll meet you on the connecting flight in St. Louis.
麦姬，我不可以 Maggie, l can't.
—这事说来话长，但我真的不能 —拿开！ - lt's a long story but l--l can't. - Knock it off!
—你不能什么？ —我不能去芝加哥 - You can't what? - l can't make it to Chicago.
我妈需要我，她马上就要嫁给一个恶魔了 My mom needs me. She's about to marry the Antichrist.
听着，我不在乎你究竟有什么状况 Look, l don't care if your granny's on fire.
这可是欧普拉 This is Oprah.
她只要对一本书做任何评论 She farts on a book...
那本书就会奇蹟般地卖出几百万册 and it magically sells a million copies.
你必须给我上那架飞机！ Just get your ass on that plane!
—麦姬，请你听我说好吗 —通话结束 - Maggie, please, listen... - Breaking up this phone call.
赶快...明天的飞机 Get on...plane tomorrow.
喂，你要去哪？ Hey! Where are you going?
等等，等等，再跟我说点你老婆的事情 W--Wait! Tell me more about your wife!
妈妈？ Mom?
听着，我过去犯过一个错误 我竟然给他机会踢我出局 See, l made a mistake before. l let him take me off my game.
但这次，我要进入他的脑袋 But this time l'm gonna get inside his head...
搞清楚他究竟想干什么 and spin him like a top.
搞清楚他究竟想干什么 Spin him like a top.
—搞清楚... —别再挠痒痒了，停！ - Spin him like... - Tickle machine!
不，不，不！别再挠我痒痒了！ No, no, no! Not a tickle machine. No!
噢，快停下！ Oh, oh, stop it!
噢，贾斯伯，我的天哪 Oh, Jasper, mind--
谁在那里？好像有人进来了 Who was that? l think someone's in the house.
—别担心，我去看看 —当心点 - Don't worry, l got it. - Be careful.
噢，天哪！ Oh, shit!
不，不！欧！欧！欧！ No, no! Oh! Ow! Ow!
欧，是我！是我！是约翰！ Ow, it's me! lt's me! lt's John!
停！欧！快停下！是约翰，伙计！ Stop! Ow! Stop! lt's John, man!
—欧！强尼！ —你怎么搞的，伍德考克？ - Oh! Johnny! - What the hell, Woodcock?
太暗了，本能反应 Well, it was dark. lnstinct took over.
我说是我，是约翰呢，你也没听见吗！ What about when l said, ''lt's me! lt's John!''
约翰是个很普通的名字 小偷也有叫约翰的 John's a very common name. There could be a burglar named John.
哪有小偷大声嚷嚷自己的名字？ What burglar shouts out his own name?
我想这只是个意外，亲爱的，我... l'm sure it was an accident, sweetie. l--um--
甜心，我怕你会有危险 Honey, l thought you were in danger.
噢 Oh.
你没事吧？ Are you all right?
是的，我很好 Yeah, l'm fine.
那最好了，嗯...约翰， 你在这里干什么呢？ Well, uh, J--John, what are you doing here?
我想是因为... l thought about it...
我不想让你失望，妈妈 and l just didn't want to disappoint you, Mom.
哇，太好了 Aw, that is so sweet.
—你确定你没事吗 —是的，我非常好 - Are you sure you're all right? - Yeah, l'm great.
那好，嗯... All right, well, then, um...
—那我们明天见 —好 - we'll see you in the morning. - Great.
睡觉吧，贾斯伯 Come on, Jasper.
法利 Farley.
昨天晚上你真的不知道是我吗？ So you really didn't know it was me last night?
当你偷偷潜入别人家里的时候 Well, that's what happens...
就会发生这种事情 when you go sneaking around someone else's house.
别人家是什么意思？ What do you mean, someone else's house?
我说最后一次 Well, last time l checked, chief...
你已经不住在这里了 you don't live here anymore.
这不是重点 That's not the point.
—早上好，不，小宝贝，天啊 —对不起 - Morning. Oh, no, sweetheart. Oh, my God. - Sorry.
太粗鲁了，你不能这样 That is so rude. Don't do that.
—早上好 —早上好 - Good morning. - Good morning.
—我爱你 —谢谢 - l love you. - Oh, thank you.
噢，我也爱你 Oh, l love you too.
—我太爱你了 —哇，谢谢 - l love you so much. - Aww. Thank you.
他是最棒的 He's the best.
未来的伍德考克夫人 Well, if it isn't the future Mrs. Woodcock.
哇 Aww.
嗯...嗯...嗯... Mmmmm. Mmmmmm.
嗯...哈哈 Mmmm! Ha ha!
嗨，贾斯伯，今天打算怎么过 Hey, Jasper. How about we spend the day together?
我们需要更加的了解对方，对吗？ Get to know each other better, you know?
—好主意 —是啊 - What a great idea. - Yeah.
其实今天我有很多工作，约翰 Actually, l have a lot on my plate today, John.
噢，别这样，我们会玩得很开心的 Oh, come on. We'll have fun.
—嗯... —那好吧，我把它延后 - Mmm! - l'll take a rain check.
甜心 Honey.
我很高兴我们这样做了 l'm glad we're doing this.
更好的了解对方 Getting to know each other better...
把心里话说出来 talking things out.
谈话激发灵感，不是吗？ Conversation leads to inspiration, right?
我书上那么写的 That's from my book.
噢，我会送你一本的 Ah, l'll get you a copy.
听着，我爱我妈妈，我们非常非常亲近 Look, l love my mom. We're very, very close.
当然不是那种关系，只是非常亲近而已 Not in a weird way, of course. Just close.
听着，我们可以成为好朋友的 Listen, we could be pals.
我们可以一起看橄榄球 We could be guys that sit and watch foot--
...在体育馆运动减压 对我来说，这就是生活 ...hanging loose at the gym. To me, this is what life is about.
我不是说这样会有问题，我从不指责别人 Now, l'm not saying there's a problem here. l don't judge.
你们俩相识了5个月 You guys have only known each other 5 months.
你放弃了你整个生活 就像没长大的孩子 You've got your whole life ahead of you. You could be kids.
我不知道你们想做什么 l don't know what you guys like to do...
但只是，只是这很重要 but it's just that's--that's what's important.
我只是想告诉你，不要冲动，好吗 l'm just trying to tell you, don't rush, OK?
不要鲁莽决定你的将来 Don't rush your life.
你明白么？ You know?
磨嘴皮子不算锻炼 Running your mouth doesn't count as exercise.
你是来锻炼的还是什么 You gonna work out or what?
我想你没事吧 l think you'll survive.
你不洗澡吗？ You're not showering?
不，不，我很好 No, no. l'm good.
这不是在法国，法利 This is not France, Farley.
也许你不介意自己整天闻起来臭烘烘 Maybe you don't mind smelling like a nut sack all day...
但我要跟你坐同一辆车 but l gotta be in the car with you.
非洲的小孩多渴望洗澡 There are kids in Africa who'd kill for a shower.
快点，法利，动起来 Come on, Farley. Move it.
你叫我法利 You called me Farley.
你以前在体育课就那么叫我 You used to call me that when l was in your class.
这难道不是你的名字么？ lt's your name, isn't it?
你真的不记得我了？ You really don't remember me?
你先天的运动能力... Well, with your innate athletic ability...
很难相信是么？ it's hard to believe, huh?
你记得... Do you remember what--
简单地擦洗你的牙齿 Simply rub the solution on your teeth...
等待几分钟后再漱口 wait a few moments and then rinse.
—伙计们早上好 —贾斯伯，你这个老家伙 - Morning, boys. - Jasper, you old side-winder.
来剪头发？ Come to get your ears lowered?
嘿，你看起来只需要... Hey, you look like you could stand...
稍微修剪一下，你这个死嬉皮士 to have a little taken off the top, you damn hippy.
看上去你可以留... Well, looks like you could stand...
中长度的头发，你这个死胖子 to have a little taken off the middle, you fat son of a bitch.
哈哈哈 Ha ha ha!
嘿嘿，嗨 Hee hee hee.
你预约过么？ You got an appointment?
—没有先生，我跟他一起来的 —坐下，法利 - No, sir. l'm with him. - Sit down, Farley.
你可以稍稍修一下 God knows you could use a little trim.
—哈哈哈 —我不知道，贾斯伯 - Ha ha ha! - l don't know, Jasper.
你认为那小子知道什么叫做修剪？ You think that boy even knows what trim is?
哈哈哈！ Ha ha ha!
坐下，乡巴佬 Sit down, Huckleberry.
—也许你可以帮我把后面修整齐一些 —好的，好的，好的 - Maybe clean up the back a little bit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
贾斯伯，你现在和她过的好吗？ So, Jasper. How's that hell cat of yours doing?
—很好，她让我保持年轻 —是的，她做到了 - Yeah, she's keeping me young. - Yes, she is.
—在裤裆里 —哈！ - ln the sack. - Ha!
嗯，我让她成为了一个诚实的女人 Yeah, well, l'm gonna make an honest woman out of her.
我认为你从第一次婚姻中学到了什么 Thought you woulda learned the first time.
我想应该是没有 Yeah, guess not.
你从来没有告诉过我你结过婚 You never told me you were married before.
是的，我也从来没有告诉过你 我有肾结石，那又怎样？ Yeah, well, l never told you about my kidney stones either. So what?
哇！你在干嘛？ Whoa! What are you doing?
只是弄下你的头发，娘娘腔！ Well, don't have a hissy fit, Nancy!
这只是一把推刀 lt's just a pair of clippers.
你知道他们会那么做 You knew they were gonna do that.
如果你不想剪发，你不用这样 lf you didn't want a haircut you didn't have to get one.
这不是在俄国 This is not Russia.
—你迟到了，你这个傻子 —你好吗，爸爸？ - You're late, you fairy! - How you doing, Dad?
我每天都在照看约伯朗和撒尿 All l do all day is watch Judge Joe Brown and piss myself.
你这个该死的家伙以为我在干嘛？ How the hell do you think l'm doing?
等等，你还有个父亲？ Wait, you have a father?
是的，法利，我不是耶稣 Yes, Farley, l'm not Jesus.
—这小家伙是谁？ —这是，嗯...，贝芙丽的孩子 - Who is this genius? - lt's, uh, Beverly's kid.
看上去有点傻乎乎 Looks like he got a little retard in him.
你很单纯吗，孩子？ Are you simple, boy?
—呵呵呵 —爸爸... - Ha ha ha. - So, Dad...
—我马上就要结婚了 —再一次？ - l'm getting married. - Again?
嗯，是的 So--Yes.
难道你第一次婚姻还不够糟糕吗？ Didn't you screw that up enough the first time?
我猜这次会持续6个月 我会比这个婚姻命长的，然后你... l'll give it 6 months. Oh, l'll outlive this marriage. And you!
难道你不觉得你妈很倒楣 就要嫁给一个体育老师了吗？ How down on her luck must your momma be to marry a gym teacher?
她知道他教体育，是吧？ She knows that he plays hopscotch for a living, right?
—你以为我在开玩笑吗，孩子？ —没有 - You think l'm funny, boy? - No.
—你想和我摔跤吗？ —嗯...不，谢谢 - You want to wrestle me? - Uh, no, thank you.
来吧，和一个老头摔跤 Come on, wrestle an old man!
—爸 —快点，娘娘腔 - Dad-- - Come on, cream puff!
也许我的手臂和你的精神一样软弱 但是来吧！ My legs are as useless as your little pecker, but come on!
—爸，爸... —来啊！ - Dad, Dad-- - Come on!
我要去上课了，你想去游泳么？ l'm going to teach my class now. Do you want to go to the pool?
水中运动是给那些娘儿们和同性恋的 Water sports is for girls and sodomites!
同性恋 Sodomites.
好的，那再见了爸爸 OK, l'll see you later, Dad.
—很高兴见到你 —滚吧，软弱的家伙 - Well, it was a pleasure. - Beat it, fruitcake!
他看上去像一个真正的男人 He seems like a really nice guy.
你想我踹你一脚么，法利？ You want a shoe up your ass, Farley?
不 No.
鲁宾逊，去清理一下便盘 Robinson, go dump a bedpan.
好的，动起来 OK, let's move it.
抬高手臂 Get those arms up!
普伦波在哪？ Where's Palumbo?
普伦波，你残废了还是耳聋了？ Palumbo, are you crippled and deaf?
给我下水去！ lnto the pool!
普伦波，不要逼我 Palumbo, don't push me.
我想他的听力有问题 l think his hearing aid is on the fritz.
我有问过你吗？玮文 l didn't ask you, did l, Weaver?
我想没有 Well, no, l guess not.
这是反问句，玮文，跑一圈 Rhetorical question, Weaver. Take a lap.
噢，我只是想帮忙 Oh. l was just trying to help!
你不认为你对他们太苛刻了吗？ Don't you think you're being a little harsh with them?
他们只是老了，法利，他们并不可怜 They're just old, Farley. They're not pathetic.
他们喜欢挑战 They enjoy a challenge.
动起来 Move those legs.
我不会再问你了，普伦波 l'm not gonna ask you again, Palumbo.
态度不端正的家伙 Lose the attitude.
你以为我在开玩笑吗？ Oh, you think this is funny?
好的，普伦波，是时候了 All right, that's it, Palumbo. lt's go time.
他想干什么 What the--
普勒兹，不要以为我看不到你 And Platts, don't think l'm not watching you.
你不是世界上第一个移植臀部的人 You're not the first person in the world to get a hip replacement.
加快速度！ Pick up the pace!
好了，普伦波，这是你最后的机会 OK, Palumbo, this is your last chance.
噢，真的无动于衷？好的 那我们用你的方式来处理 Oh, really? OK, we'll do it your way, then.
—哇，哇... —老家伙，自己看着办吧 - Whoa, whoa-- - Sink or swim, old man.
—哇，哇，哇！不，不要啊！ —看你游不游！ - Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no, no! - Sink or swim!
上帝，你疯了么？ Jesus, are you insane?
他不需要你的説明，法利 He doesn't need your help, Farley.
你看你究竟干了些什么！ What the hell, man? Aah!
先生，没事的，我在救你 Sir, it's all right. l'm trying to help you.
我是在救你 l'm trying to save your life!
噢！ Oh!
嗯... Hm.
混蛋！ Jackass!
干的好，斯卡杜西奥，你有伸舌头吗？ Nice job, Scardusio. Did you get any tongue?
没有，但是我呼吸更顺畅了 No, but l get better suction without the choppers.
做得好 Makes sense.
噢！ Oh!
快点，法利，走了 Come on, Farley, let's saddle up.
我在等我衣服烘干 l'm waiting for my clothes to dry.
—你好 —嗨，约翰 - Hello? - Hey, John.
我在飞往芝加哥的飞机上 l'm on an airplane heading for Chicago.
你绝对不会想到谁坐在我旁边 And you'll never guess who's sitting next to me.
—谁？ —没有人！ - Who? - Nobody!
该死的你现在在哪？ 为什么没有坐在2A的位子上？ Now where is your ass and why isn't it in seat 2A?
稍等，有电话进来 Man, just hold on a second. l got another call.
—你好 —我收到了你的留言，兄弟 - Hello? - l got your message, dude.
—发生什么事了？ —等会 - What's going on? - Hey. Hold on.
伍德考克先生，我会自己回家的 You know, Mr. Woodcock, l'm just gonna get myself home.
穿上衣服吧，法利，至少把裤子穿上 Suit yourself, Farley. Just get some pants on.
这里不是迈阿密 This is not Miami.
突然间一切都说得过去了 Suddenly it makes sense.
内徳蒙，伍德考克结过婚 Nedderman, Woodcock's been married before.
现在我需要你查清楚她是谁 Now, l need you to find out who she is...
然后来阿特蒙接我 and then pick me up at Alterman's.
好的，疗养院？ Right. The nursing home?
对，然后给我带点内衣裤 Yeah, and bring me some underwear.
我的？ Some of mine?
—听着，麦姬 —喂？ - Listen, Maggie. - Hello?
目前为止所有的事情都是一团糟 Everything's going to shit right now, OK?
对不起，我明天再打给你 l'm sorry. l'll call you tomorrow.
不，约翰，别挂 No, John, don't hang--
混蛋！ Asshole!
不好意思，你好，能给我瓶真正的酒吗？ Excuse me. Hi. Could l get a real bottle, please?
我是个酒鬼，不是芭比娃娃 l'm an alcoholic, not a Barbie doll.
你的头发怎么了？ What happened to your head?
开你的车，内徳蒙 Just drive, Nedderman.
她的名字叫莎莉．詹森 Her name is Sally Jensen.
噢，干的好！我们现在就去找她 Oh, good work! Let's go see her right now.
为什么？ Why?
你想想，内徳蒙 Well, think about it, Nedderman.
谁会比伍德考克的前妻更恨他？ Who's more likely to have dirt on Woodcock than his ex-wife?
不过你的书上不是写... But in your book don't you say...
忘记过去，珍惜眼前？ digging up the past muddies up the present?
是的，我是那么写的 Yes, l do...
但只有当过去... but that's only true if the past...
不再影响现在的情况下才是真的 doesn't actually affect the present.
好好想想，内徳蒙 Think about it, Nedderman.
如果我能了解一些伍德考克的过去 lf l can learn something about Woodcock's past...
就可以挽救我妈将来的心痛 that'll save my mom from future heartache in the future...
我实在是没有选择 then l don't really have a choice...
只能把真相公诸于众，不是吗？ but to address it in the present, right?
我想是的 l--Guess not.
非常好 Exactly.
那是谁？ Who is that?
我弟弟，克拉克 That's my brother, Clark.
到了 There it is.
伍德考克前妻的家 Home of the former Mrs. Woodcock.
好的，我现在进去 All right. l'm going in.
内徳蒙，我需要你找出更多 伍德考克的丑事，知道吗？ Nedderman, l need you to find more dirt on Woodcock, all right?
视野更加开阔些， 发现挑战，集中注意力... Think outside the box. See the challenge, focus on it...
将它形象化，击败它，然后占为己有，OK？ visualize, attack it and then reuse it, OK?
—你听懂了吗？ —我...我不会让你失望的，约翰，我发誓 - You got me? - l--l won't let you down, John. l promise.
—谢谢你的内裤 —如果大了我很抱歉 - Thanks for the underwear. - Sorry if they're big.
嗨，看看她有没有游泳池 Hey, see if she has a pool!
或者鲤鱼池 Or a koi pond!
一个鱼缸？ A fish tank?
内徳蒙 Nedderman.
莎莉詹森？ Sally Jensen?
你是谁 Who are you?
噢，我是约翰法利 Um, l'm John Farley.
喝水吗？ Can l get you something to drink?
我想我有干净杯子 l think l have a clean glass around here somewhere.
不，不用了，谢谢 No, l'm good, thanks.
我很喜欢你的书 l love your book.
改变了我的生活 Turned my life around.
今天肯定是我的幸运日 Must be my lucky day.
家乡的大人物现在正在我的房间里 Hometown hero in the flesh right here in my own living room.
你有什么事吗？ What do you want?
我在为我下一本书做调查... l'm doing research... for my next book.
你是否介意我问一下你为什么离婚呢？ lf you don't mind my asking, why did you divorce?
你认为呢？ Why do you think?
缺乏信任 lnfidelity.
一次又一次地 Over and over again.
其实很早就应该分手了，只是... Should have broke it off years earlier, but--
什么？ But what?
—性爱太棒了 —噢 - The sex was amazing. - Oh.
我告诉你，这个男人知道怎么好好利用... l'm telling you, that man knows how to use...
上帝赐予他的东西 what the good Lord gave him.
噢，好的，多谢你告诉我这个 Oh, right. Thanks for that.
有一次，我在做爱的时候居然晕过去了 Once, l actually blacked out.
你能想像被爽晕过去的感觉吗？ Can you imagine blacking out from sheer pleasure?
有一次我竟然用葡萄牙语叫床 但我一点都不懂葡萄牙语 Once l spoke Portuguese and l don't even know the language.
－好吧，我想这些应该够了 －哈哈哈 - OK, l think that's enough. - Ha ha ha.
这个对我很有用... Um, this has been very helpful...
很抱歉打扰了 and disturbing all at the same time.
怎么？你认识贾斯伯？ Why? Do you know Jasper?
是的，他是我多年前的老师 Actually l do. Uh, he was a teacher of mine, years ago.
然后，他现在要娶我母亲 And, uh, he's marrying my mom.
我上个星期在咖啡店看到他们在一起 Saw him last week at the coffee shop with her.
一个金发大胸的风骚少妇 A big-titted, blonde tramp.
抱歉，我没有恶意 Sorry. No offense.
她看起来做你的妈妈年轻了点 She looks awfully young to be your mom.
—他欺骗了她 —什么？ - He's cheating on her. - What?
是的，他欺骗了他的前妻 所以他们离婚了 Yup. He cheated on his ex-wife. That's why they got divorced.
现在他在对我妈做同样的事... Now he's doing the same thing to my mom...
和一个金发大胸的风骚少妇 with some big-titted, blonde tramp.
那很好啊 我们现在就可以去告诉你妈妈了 So that's great. So--So we just gotta tell your mom now.
不，我不能就这样告诉她 No, l can't just tell her.
当事情关系到伍德考克 她是不会相信我的 She doesn't listen to me when it comes to Woodcock.
—我们需要证据 —没问题 - We need proof. - No problem.
我们要用一些小手段来结束这事 We've been working on some killer stuff on our end.
好的，尽快到我家见我 Good. Meet me at my place as soon as possible.
你想要证据，这就有 You wanted evidence, you got it.
这或许不能证明伍德考克有外遇... lt may not prove Woodcock's cheating...
但这能证明他是个大混蛋 but it does prove he's a huge dick.
他眼睛怎么了？ What happened to his eye?
听着，别担心，他没事 Look, don't worry about him. He's fine.
当她看到这个，她就会恢复理智的 When she sees this, man, she'll come to her senses.
不，伍德考克先生，不要再打我了 No, Mr. Woodcock. Please don't hurt me again.
啊！ Aah!
哈哈哈，怎么样？ Ha ha ha. Well?
你用椅子砸你弟弟？ You threw a chair at your brother?
你在不在看啊？ Weren't you watching?
那不是我扔的椅子... lt wasn't me that threw the chair at him...
那是伍德考克扔的 it was Woodcock that threw the chair.
他说的伍德考克，伍德考克扔的椅子！ He said Woodcock. Woodcock threw that chair!
亲爱的？嗨，你在家吗？ Honey? Hi, are you home?
噢，看啊，真棒，你朋友过来玩啊 Oh, look, that's so nice. You've got some friends over.
嗨，我是约翰的妈妈 Hi, l'm John's mom.
内徳蒙 Nedderman.
你记得他？我们曾经是一个班的 You remember him? We were in the same class.
你的头发怎么啦？ What happened to your head?
伍德考克配不上他 Woodcock doesn't deserve her.
法利的妈妈很辣 我是说，是，她是老了点... Farley's mom is hot. l mean, yes, she's old and shit...
但是天啦，我只想把我的脸... but God, l just want to stick my face...
塞到她两个大奶子中间，然后 between those great old titties and go, ''Brrrrrrr!
''Brrrrr! Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrr!''
内徳蒙，把它关了 Nedderman, turn it off.
...大奶子之间 ...titties and go, ''Brrrrrrr!''
两个大奶子... Big old--big old titties--
大奶子... Big old titties--
贾斯伯 - Jasper. - Brrrrrrrrr!
贾斯伯！ Jasper!
我是用最带尊敬的语气说那话的 l meant that in the most respectful way possible.
快跑！ Run!
法利女士！ Mrs. Farley!
你们有病，法利 You people are sick, Farley.
—我基本上不认识他们，妈妈 —好的 - l barely know those guys, Mom. - OK--
好吧，我们就当什么都没发生过 Well--Let's just pretend that never happened.
强尼，你还好吧？ Johnny, are you all right?
贾斯伯觉得你今天看上去不大高兴 Jasper said that he thought you seemed upset today.
噢！他说了？噢 Oh! He did? Oh.
亲爱的，听着，我知道家里有个新成员... Sweetie, look, l know that it's not easy for you...
这对你来说不大容易接受 to have a new man in our house.
但我们就要结婚了... But we're getting married...
他就要成为我们家的一分子了 and he's gonna be part of our family.
我只希望你们两个能好好相处 All l want is for just you two to get along.
这并不过分吧？ ls that asking too much?
你能试试吗？ Could you try?
就算为了我？ For me?
好的 OK.
—我爱你，妈妈 —噢，宝贝，我也爱你 - l love you, Mom. - Oh, sweetie. l love you too.
—谢谢你，噢！ —对不起 - Thank you. Oh! - Sorry.
去玉米嘉年华吧，我们今晚好好玩玩 Let's go to Cornival. Let's have a good time tonight.
好极了，我们大家今晚会玩得很开心的 Great. We'll have a great night. All of us.
我有一些恋爱故事... My loves have some stories...
—来嘛，告诉我 —不，算了吧 - Come on, tell me. - No, forget it.
不，我想知道！ No, l want to know!
－听着，我会有点尴尬，好吧？ －噢！ - Look, l'm embarrassed, OK? - Oh!
约翰你不能就这样只说个开头啊 John, you can't just start saying something and then stop.
—说吧 —别在意，别在意 - Come on. - Never mind, never mind.
约翰 John.
噢，好吧，嗯... Oh, all right. Um...
我在7年级的时候曾经疯狂地喜欢上你 l've had the biggest crush on you since the 7th grade.
哈哈哈，我们现在还是好好的嘛！ Ha ha ha. And here we are!
是啊，还是好好的 Yeah, here we are.
玉米嘉年华 The cornival.
—我很高兴你打电话约我 —是啊，我也是 - l'm glad you called. - Yeah, me too.
—贾斯伯，让我来嘛 —举起来，举高点 - Jasper! Let me do it. - Lift it up. Keep it up high.
噢！现在你在作弊了！ Oh! Now you're cheating!
喔，你要承认他们真的很匹配 Aw. You have to admit, they're kind of cute together.
你开玩笑吧？ You're kidding?
不，你妈妈很漂亮 No, your mom is beautiful.
伍德考克很性感，你知道的 And Woodcock's kinda sexy, you know.
—伍德考克先生？ —是啊 - Mr. Woodcock? - Yeah.
我是说，我不知道，他表现自己的时候 l mean, just, l don't know, the way he--he carries himself.
—什么？ —他有一种气质 - What? - There's just something about him.
一种很有自信的样子和...我不知道 lt's like this bravado and...l don't know.
学校里的女生都很喜欢他 我是说，他很受欢迎 All the girls at school love him. l mean, he's hilarious.
有一次，他抱着我... One time he grabbed me by my--
他在教师休息室陪我们玩 He coxes them in the teachers' lounge.
他有个小游戏，我们玩他的哨子 He has this little game that we play with his whistle.
事实上，我一直都有点暗恋着伍德考克 Actually, l've always kinda had a crush on Woodcock.
喔！你想走吗？ Wow! You--you wanna go?
好啊，当然了 Yeah, sure.
没问题，对吧？你不会吃那个的 That's cool, right? You're not--you're not gonna eat that.
你们好啊，你们玩得怎么样？ Hey, guys. How are you doing?
噢，很不错啊，我玩好了 Oh, good. l'm done.
你们两个怎么不玩玩呢？ Um, why don't you two play a little bit, huh?
—我还以为你要我帮你赢个熊猫呢 —噢，好啊 - l thought you wanted to win a panda. - Oh, it's all right.
—我来帮你赢个熊猫，妈妈 —噢！ - l'll win you a panda, Mom. - Oh!
—你确定你带够钱了吗？ —贾斯伯 - Sure you brought enough cash? - Jasper.
好吧，我们去买点棉花糖吃，你们玩吧 OK, so let's go get some cotton candy and let the boys play.
—好的 —祝你好运 - Yeah. - Good luck.
帮我赢只小狗 Win me a puppy.
—好吧，伍德考克 —看起来我们要来场比赛了 - OK, Woodcock. - Looks like we got a challenge.
—来吧 —祝你好运，小伙子 - Let's play. - Good luck, young man.
你的球，先生，开始！ There you go, sir. Here we go!
哈！比看上去难吧！ Ha! Harder than it looks!
嘿，好球！ Hey, nice shot!
再试一次，孩子 Try again, kid.
这有个射手，伙计们！ We got a shooter, folks!
—噢！ —射得好，法利 - Oh! - Nice one, Farley.
—他妈的！ —喔！ - Damn it! - Whoo!
优胜者出现啦 That's a winner right there.
你赢了一只熊猫，先生，干得漂亮 Looks like a panda to me, sir. Nice job.
好吧，孩子 每个人都有参与奖，哈哈哈！ All right, kid. Everybody's a winner. Ha ha ha!
我在残障奥运会都看到过比你投得准的 l've seen better shooting at the special Olympics.
—篮球不是我的强项 —真的？ - Basketball's not really my game. - Really?
你强项是什么？打狗熊？ What is your game? Whac A Mole?
愚蠢的游戏！ Stupid game!
我只是想和你说下，法利 我是国民革命军的正式成员 l just wanna warn you, Farley. l'm a card-carrying member of the N.R.A.
可没有人为你祈祷 You don't have a prayer.
准备，先生们！ Ready, gentlemen!
—优胜者出现啦！ —你别老是输啊 - We have a winner! - Don't be a sore loser.
我跟你说，我的枪坏了 l'm telling you, my gun was messed up.
别怪枪，法利，拿枪的人不行 lt's never the gun, Farley, it's always the hunter.
吃玉米大赛 ''Corn-eating Corntest.''
噢，就这个了 Oh, it's on.
你会输的，伍德考克 You're going down, Woodcock.
你肯定很想被我打败，法利 You must like getting spanked, Farley.
—我猜这是家庭比赛了 —这是你们的，选手们 - l guess it runs in the family. - Here you go, boys.
开始！ Begin!
噢，我就知道你会在这里 Oh, l shoulda known that you'd be here.
你知道吗，强尼已经蝉联这比赛 冠军好几年了？六年？ You know, Johnny won this competition what, 6 times in a row?
—7年 —当他还小的时候，7次！ - 7. 7. - When he was little. 7 times!
还是和大人们一起比！ And against adults, too!
我们要开始啦！选手们，祝我们的... And here we go, corn-testants! And may the best--
噢，他们已经要准备开始了 我们去那边看吧 Oh, they're getting ready to go so we'll just go over here.
—记住，啃了一半的玉米不算在成绩之内 —祝你好运！ - Remember, half cobs do not count. - Good luck!
再见，女孩们，那真有意思，法利 See you, girls. That's funny, Farley.
我还真不知道胖小孩还会吃蔬菜 l didn't know fat kids ate their vegetables.
留着劲儿比赛吧，老头子 Save it for the corn-test, old man.
—准备好了吗？ —好了！ - Ready for this? - Yes!
竞赛者准备好了吗？ Are the corn-testants ready for this?
如果你们都准备好了，那就... lf you are ready, then get set...
他们开始了，女士们先生们... There they go, ladies and gentlemen...
看他们啃玉米的劲头！ look at them gnaw on that corn!
你看到那些牙齿了吗？ Do you see those teeth?
啃了一半的玉米不算 Half a cob doesn't count.
干得不错嘛，法利？ Pretty good there, Farley?
保持下去，看他们啊，看他们啃得 Keep it going. Look there. Look at them go.
你想加快速度，法利 You want to pace yourself, Farley.
放弃吧，伍德考克 Just let go, Woodcock.
气氛好紧张，嘿，别动你隔壁选手的东西！ Great tension. Hey, hey, keep your hand off your neighbor's cob!
处罚！ Penalty!
好的，接着啃！ All right, here we go. Keep chewing that corn!
还剩10秒！ 10 seconds left!
时间快到了 Coming down to the end now.
5，4，3... 5, 4, 3...
2，1！ 2, 1!
女士们先生们，我们已经有优胜者了！ Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!
优胜者又是... And that winner is, again...
—约翰法利！ —唔！ - John Farley! - Whoo!
哈哈哈！好样啊！ 你是最棒的，甜心！ Ha ha ha! Yes! Whoo! You got beat, sweetheart!
喔！喔！ Whoo! Whoo!
喔...喔...喔！ 喔，喔，喔！哈哈哈！ Whooooooo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo! Ha ha ha!
欧耶，宝贝！喔！ 喔，喔，喔！ Oh, yeah, baby! Whoo! Whooo-hoo-hoo!
我是大赢家，我赢了！ l'm the big winner. l win!
我是大赢家 因为这是我的地盘，婊子！ l'm the big winner 'cause this is my house, bitch!
—喔...喔！ —约翰，麦克，法利！ - Whoo-hoo! - John Michael Farley!
你中什么邪了？ What has come over you?
哎！ Ugh!
没事的，法利，我知道怎么逗她开心 lt's OK, Farley. l know how to cheer her up.
帮我个忙，帮我拿着我的熊 Do me a favor. Snag my bears.
约翰，你真的...很能吃玉米 Well, John, you really... ate that corn.
谢谢 Thanks.
—喂？ —起床了！ - Hello? - Wake up!
我有事情跟你说 l got something to show you.
内徳蒙？发生什么事了？ Nedderman? What's going on?
八点钟方向... And at 0800 hours...
一个金发女郎开那辆车... a blonde chick rolled up in that car...
然后走进了伍德考克的房子 and went into Woodcock's house.
你在他家外面待多久了？ How long you been staking out his house?
十七八个小时 17, 18 hours.
嘿...她出来了！ Hey...there she is!
—什么？ —噢，婊子养的！ - What? - Oh, that son of a bitch!
那个混蛋竟然在结婚前... What kind of asshole would cheat on his wife...
还去搞外遇？ before he's even married?
一个罚孩子跑步跑到乳头出血... The same kind of asshole that would make a kid run laps...
的混蛋 until his nipples bleed.
该死！ Shit!
我们现在进去瞧瞧 Now, then. We gotta go in there.
噢，兄弟，监视那家伙的房子还好... Oh, bro, staking out the guy's place is one thing...
但破门入室就另当别论了 but breaking and entering, that's another.
内徳蒙，我们需要确实的证据 Nedderman, we need concrete proof.
约翰，我自从7年级拉屎在平衡木上以后... John, l haven't shit my pants...
还没做过什么坏事 since the balance beam in the 7th grade.
我宁可保持现状 l--l--l'd like to keep it that way.
你的书上是怎么说的，14章？ And what about your book, chapter 14?
与别人保持一定的距离 ''Respect other people's boundaries.''
等等，你身上带那本书了吗？ Wait, do you have the book with you?
是的 Yeah.
噢，太好了 Oh, great.
让我看看 Let me see this. See.
忘了这本书吧！把它忘了！ Forget the book! Just forget it!
我再也不能忍受这本书了！ l can't take this book anymore!
因为每过30秒你就在我耳朵里 就像，哇！哇！哇！ 'Cause every 30 seconds you're in my ear, like, wah, wah, wah!
我再也受不了了，好吧？ 这是我写的，我知道里面有什么！ l can't do it, OK? l wrote it, l know what's in it!
那是狗屁！我不想再听了，OK？ lt's crap! l'm done with it, OK?
什么事？ What?
嘿...我是翠西 Hey...it's Tracy.
你好，翠西 Hey, Tracy.
—你好吗？ —还好，嗯... - How are you? - Fine. Um...
听着，约翰，关于昨晚 listen, John, about last night.
你现在听上去有点奇怪 You seem like you're in a really weird place right now.
真的？不，我没有啊 Really? No, l feel great.
我真的没事 l really do.
或许你应该等你情绪稳定一点... Well, maybe you should just call me...
再给我打电话？ when things are a little more...stable?
我想那是最好的 l think that'd be best.
噢 Oh.
好吧... OK, um...
我尊重你的感受和决定，我... l respect your feelings and your decision. l--
我很抱歉你会这么觉得 l'm sorry you feel that way.
好吧，照顾好你自己，好吗？ All right. Well, take care of yourself, OK?
好的，你也是 Yep, you too.
再见 Bye.
好吧，计划是这样的 OK, this is the plan.
我们得闯进伍德考克的屋子 We're gonna break into Woodcock's place.
在那装个数位录影机... We're gonna plant your video camera...
然后 我们把他背着我妈搞外遇的事情拍下来... then we're gonna catch him cheating on my mom...
然后我们就能一次解决这个... and then we're gonna finish this effing fiasco...
该死的局面，好吗？ once and for all, OK?
好吧，克拉克，把迷你录影机给我 你来把风 Right, Clark, give me the minicam. You're on lookout.
一有状况，就猛按喇叭，听懂了吗？ Anything happens, honk the horn, you understand me?
内徳蒙！这里开着 Nedderman! lt's open.
这... What the--
—你在做什么？ —对不... - What are you doing? - Sor--
抱歉，对不起 l'm sorry. Sorry.
—天啊 —好吧 - Jesus. - OK.
你好啊，大烟枪 Hello, smoking gun.
该死的，克拉克！ Damn it, Clark!
糟了！ Oh, shit!
内徳蒙？ Nedderman?
内徳蒙！ Nedderman!
贾斯伯，我还是生你的气 Jasper, l'm still upset with you.
我知道，亲爱的，但你知道我怎么... l know, honey, but you know how l get...
—当你不在我身边的时候 —啊哈 - when l don't have you to myself. - Aah.
—我只是需要些时间...独处 —那我呢？ - l just need some...alone time. - What about me?
好的，亲爱的，没了你我可熬不久 Well, honey, it wouldn't be alone time without you.
—你知道我什么意思！ —哈哈哈！ - You know what l mean! - Ha ha ha!
贾斯伯，你真诱人，噢！ Jasper, you charmer. Oh!
Mmmmmm!
噢，小甜心，哦，亲爱的 Oh, honey. Oh, darling.
坏家伙！ Bad boy!
—感觉不错吧，宝贝？ —是的！是的！ - Feel good, baby? - Yes! Yes!
是反问句，贝芙丽！ Rhetorical question, Beverly!
—哦，天呐！哦，天呐！ —哦，好样的！ - Oh, God! Oh, God! - Oh, yeah!
—感受爱吧！ —我可不想再晕过去 - Feel the love! - l don't want to black out again.
就快出来了，亲爱的 The finish line's in sight, honey.
噢！噢！噢！噢！ Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
噢！噢！噢！噢！噢！就这样！ Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes!
这比网路上的那些东西好看多了 That was way better than anything on the internet.
不好意思，大家注意了 Excuse me, may l have your attention?
如果大家能都找个座位坐下... Uh, if everyone would, uh...would grab a seat...
我就要开始让领奖人入座了... and l get the honorees up on stage...
我们就能开始了 we can get started.
在过去的26年里 贾斯伯伍德考克这个名字... For the past 26 years, Jasper Woodcock's name...
一直跟体育这个词联系在一起 has been synonymous with the words ''physical education''.
在介绍开始之前... Now, before we get to the presentation...
让我们听听这位伟大的人曾经... let's hear from some of the people...
帮助过的人们是怎么说的 whose lives have been touched by this great man.
亲爱的，你去哪了？ Honey, where were you?
我以为你会和我们一起乘车过来 我都担心你了 l thought you were gonna ride with us. l was worried.
对不起，妈妈，我，我需要一些时间独处 Sorry, Mom. l--l needed some alone time.
噢 Oh.
我的名字叫卓，去年夏天 我的猫，瑞新，跑丢了 My name is Zoe. And last summer, my cat Raisins ran away.
那个人帮我找到了她 它的项圈被栏杆卡住了 That man found her. Her collar was caught on a fence.
她已经被勒死了 She was dead from stran--gulation.
但她现在在天堂了 But she's in heaven now.
谢谢你找到了，瑞新，伍德考克先生 Thank you for finding Raisins, Mr. Woodcock.
开玩笑吧 You're kidding me.
当我上他的课的时候... When l was in his class...
伍德考克先生 在我的衣柜里发现了一块大麻 Mr. Woodcock found a brick of marijuana in my locker.
他可以把我送到校长那，但他没有 He could have sent me to the principal, but no.
他报了警 He called the cops.
我在juvi待了6年，而没有被拘留 And instead of going to detention l did 6 years in juvi.
在那里我找到了我的主，耶稣 Where l found my lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
看在老天的份上！ Jesus Christ!
从那时起，我就完全戒掉了毒瘾 And l have been mostly drug-free ever since.
谢谢你，伍德考克先生 Thank you, Mr. Woodcock.
伍德考克是最优秀的教师之一 ''Mr. Woodcock is one of the best teachers.
他教我如何努力刻苦，永不放弃 ''He taught me how to play hard and never give up.
因为他，我在大学里踢足球 ''Because of him, l got a scholarship to play football.
拿了奖学金 ''ln college.''
谢谢你 谢谢你，伍德考克先生 Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Woodcock.
他妈的这是什么啊？ What the fuck?
伍德考克 从来不用高人一等的语气和别人说话 Woodcock never talks down to us.
他对待我们就像他对待其他人一样 He treats us just like everyone else.
我给孩子起名叫小伍德考克 l named my kid after Woodcock.
伍德考克教会了我如何做一个男人 Woodcock taught me how to be a man.
伍德考克教会了我心肺复苏术 Woodcock taught me CPR.
—伍德考克救了我的命 —放屁！ - Woodcock saved my life. - Bullshit!
—伍德考克... —伍德考克... - Woodcock-- - Woodcock--
伍德考克... Woodcock--
—伍德考克 —伍德考克 - Woodcock. - Woodcock.
贾斯伯．伍德考克 Jasper Woodcock.
年度最佳教育家 Educator of the Year.
加油，贾斯伯！ Go, Jasper!
谢谢大家 Thanks a lot. Uh...
我很感激 appreciate it.
哈哈哈 Ha ha ha.
那真不错，贾斯伯，谢谢你 That's, uh--that's good stuff, Jasper. Thank you.
难以置信！ Unbelievable!
我们还有一个奖项要颁发 We have one more award to give out.
玉米芯钥匙奖 The Corn Cob Key.
颁给那些走向世界... Given to those who go off into the world...
让故乡人民自豪的人 and make Forest Meadow proud.
好的 Right.
女士们先生们，约翰．法利！ Ladies and gentlemen, John Farley!
哈哈哈 Ha ha ha.
你们大家伙是疯了吗？ Are you guys out of your minds?
哈哈哈 Ha ha ha.
说真的，我是唯一的一个人... Seriously. Am l the only one...
觉得伍德考克是... that thinks that Woodcock's like...
这个星球上最混蛋的人吗？ the biggest asshole on the planet?
我是说，26年来... l mean, for 26 years...
这个人一直在近距离里... this guy's been pelting children with basketballs...
用篮球砸打学生 at point-blank range.
现在你们倒要给他颁奖了？ And now you're giving him an award for it?
—他应该去坐牢！ —强尼，强尼 - He should be in jail! - Johnny. Johnny.
我是说 有没有可能是他勒死了那个女孩的猫呢？ l mean, is there any question that he strangled this girl's cat?
它叫什么名字，瑞新？你知道吗？ What--what was her name, Raisins? Yeah, you know what?
回家，把瑞新挖出来，把她解剖了... Go home, dig up Raisins, perform an autopsy on him...
你会发现那不是个意外 you'll find out it wasn't an accident.
狗不会勒死猫的，但变态的体育老师会的 Dogs don't strangle cats. Sadistic gym teachers do.
好的 OK.
今年又有人在这个时候开玩笑了！ Somebody put something in the punch again this year!
等等，不，不，我是认真的！ Wait, wait. No, no, l'm serious!
他讨厌小孩 Look, he hates children.
他害死了一个我的同学 He killed one of my classmates.
对，被虐待了几年后... Yeah, after years of his abuse...
崔威，沃兹去世了... Trevor Oates took his own life...
他的死是伍德考克造成的 and he died because of Woodcock.
不，我没死 No, l didn't.
—沃兹，我以为你死了 —我没有 - Oates, l thought you were dead. - No.
后来我动了一个小手术 l had minor surgery a few years back.
你知道，来减轻我的哮喘 You know, to help with my wheezing.
无所谓了，沃兹还活着 谁他妈的在乎？ Whatever. Oates is alive. Whoop-di-doo! Who gives a shit?
—强尼 —对不起 - Johnny. - l'm sorry.
我很抱歉，我知道你们不愿相信 l'm sorry. l know you hate to hear that.
他并不是你想像的那样 He's not what you think.
你们大家都被洗脑了！ You're brainwashed, people!
可以问问他的前妻莎莉詹森 Oh, just ask his ex-wife right there, Sally Jensen.
告诉他们这个男人... Tell them about all the man whoring...
在你们结婚时背着你所做的龌龊事 he did behind your back when you were married.
我想你们大家都知道我欺骗了他 Well, l think most of you know l cheated on him.
不好...不好意思，你说什么？你欺骗他？ l'm--l'm sorry. What? You cheated on him?
很多次，我控制不了自己 我对性爱上瘾了 A lot. l couldn't help it. l was a sex addict.
现在也是 Am.
嗯，曾经是的 Uh, was.
现在也是，哈哈哈 Am. Ha ha ha.
是 Yeah.
好了，走吧 All right, let's go.
够了，够了！ That's enough. That's enough of that!
—他在欺骗我妈妈！ —强尼，坐下 - He's cheating on my mom! - Johnny, sit down right now.
—够了，法利 —对不起，妈妈 - That's enough, Farley. - l'm sorry, Mom.
你背着我妈妈... You've been sneaking behind my mom's back...
跟着一个金发婊子鬼混... with that blonde whore...
她就在那里，对吧？ right there, haven't you?
那是我的房地产经纪人，你这个笨蛋 That's my realtor, you moron.
我想买一栋房子来给你妈妈一个惊喜 l was trying to surprise your mother with a new house.
是吗 那为什么我在你的卧室发现了她的内裤？ Well, how come l found her panties in your bedroom?
那是你妈妈的，法利 Those are your mother's, Farley.
妈妈？ Mom?
是的，好了，法利，你和我 马上到走廊去 Yeah. OK, Farley, you and me, out in the hallway right now.
马上！ Now!
—噢！ —你这个不尊重人的狗屎！ - Uhh! - You disrespectful little shit!
我要用内布拉斯加州的方法踢你的屁股... l'm gonna give you a good old-fashioned Nebraska ass-whipping...
直到你拉出屎来 till you shit yourself.
放马过来，兄弟！ Bring it, bro!
我不知道今晚什么能让我更爽... l don't know what l'm gonna enjoy more tonight...
是踹你的屁股，还是跟你妈妈鬼混 kicking your ass or nailing your mother.
—噢！ —放开我的儿子，贾斯伯 - Oh! - Let go of my son, Jasper.
—嗯，贝... —放开我的儿子 - Uh, Bev-- - Let go of my son.
—贝，我... —你们俩真是不可理喻 - Bev, l-- - You two are unbelievable.
你真是令人失望，这伤害和羞辱了我 You won't be civil even though it hurts and humiliates me.
妈妈！ Mom!
妈妈，你还好吧？ Mom, are you OK?
走开，约翰，我想一个人待一会 Go away, John. Leave me alone.
麦姬？ Maggie?
我从丹佛就一直拖着你这该死的行李 l have been carting around your damn luggage since Denver!
由于你放了全美最强势女士的鸽子... Thanks to you blowing off the most powerful woman in America...
沃顿书局已经取消了你剩下的见面会 Walden Books has canceled the rest of your appearances.
—我真不敢相信 —我明白 - l don't believe this. - l know.
要是有谁警告过你的话 lf only someone had warned you!
—那么一切都结束了 —不，并不如此 - So it's over. - No, not exactly.
当你听到这消息的时候 你将会拥抱我... When you hear about this, you're gonna want to take me...
就在你妈妈的房子里 right here in your mommy's house.
但我得先上个洗手间，洗手间在哪？ But first l have to pee. Where's the bathroom?
里面有抽水马桶，是吗？ You have indoor plumbing in here, right?
你本不值得我再费什么力的... lt's not like you deserve the extra effort...
但是鉴于我的名声着想，我再帮帮你吧 but since my reputation's on the line, l called in a favor.
你会有个远端见面会... You're gonna do a remote interview...
在泰拉．班克斯的脱口秀上！ on The Tyra Banks Show!
明早九点，脱口秀的女主角... Tomorrow, 9am, the diva of daytime talk...
会跟你进行现场对话... is gonna talk to you live...
在这个狭小昏暗，该死的 你称之为家的地方 right from this dingy little shithole you call home.
好吧，不错，随你想要怎样 Fine, good, whatever you need.
我需要的是你集中注意力... What l need is for you to focus...
放手一博 另外跟我讲一下最近酒坊在哪 get it together, and point me to the nearest liquor store.
好吗？ OK?
好的，泰拉，班克斯，非常友善 OK, Tyra Banks, very nice.
但是如果你不搞清自己的主题 你会被她玩弄于股掌 But if you do not know your shit she will gut you like a fish.
哦，我的天 Oh, my Lord.
你看起来真漂亮，法利女士 You look very beautiful, Mrs. Farley.
多谢 Thank you.
她不知道现在是什么年代了，是吗？ She does know what decade it is, right?
妈妈，你在干嘛？ Mom, what are you doing?
—我正准备去玉米嘉年华 —哈...哈...哈 - l'm going to Cornival. - Ha ha ha.
抱歉，你们这些乡下人让我失常了 l'm sorry, you hicks just crack me up.
你确定吗？我的意思是... Are you sure? l mean--
昨晚之后，你知道... After last night, you know--
我有这样的责任，我仍是玉米芯皇后 l have certain obligations. l'm still the Corn Cob Queen.
—哈...哈...哈 —但你就一个人 - Ha ha ha. - But you'll be by yourself.
约翰，我已经在花车上独自一个人20年了 John, l have been alone on that float for 20 years.
我想我没问题的 l think l can handle it.
妈妈，昨晚真是很抱歉 Mom, l'm so sorry about last night.
我...只是完全的失去理智了 l...just totally lost my head.
你还记得史班戈先生吗？ Do you remember Mr. Spanger?
他是在你父亲去世之后 He was the first man that l tried to date...
我第一个打算约会的男人... 记得你当时6岁 after your father died. l think you were 6.
你从保姆身边跑掉... And you ran away from the baby-sitter...
接着，我们花了整整一个晚上来找你 and we spent the entire night trying to find you.
是的，我躲在阴沟里 Yeah, l was under the sink.
每次有男人约我出去，你要不是生病... Well, every time a man asked me out, you either got sick...
就是大发脾气... or you threw a tantrum...
或者是破坏汽车 或是做些其他事直到我放弃为止 or you egged the car, or you did something until l just gave up.
你有考虑过我的感受吗... Did you ever think of how l felt...
这么多年，我一直独身 on my own all these years?
呃，我猜... Uh, l guess...
我以为你...还有我 l thought you...had me.
噢 Oh.
好了，法利先生，20秒时间 All right, Mr. Farley. 20 seconds.
嘿，别再个哭丧脸了 让我们抛开那乡下人的东西 Hey, game face. Let's put the hillbilly drama on hold.
全美都在等候着，你看起来不错 America is waiting. You look great.
—这会是很愉快的 —还有15秒 - This is gonna be fun. - 15 seconds.
—我不能这样做 —好吧，我理解 - l can't do this. - OK, l understand.
—没事 —真的？ - That's fine. - Really?
当然不是！ Of course not!
现在给我坐到录影机前去 Now sit your ass down and get in front of the camera.
设置完毕 Quiet on set.
—好的，所有人注意，3，2... —笑 - All right, people, we're on the air in 3, 2-- - Smile.
当我读到下面这位嘉宾的书时... When l read my next guest's book...
我知道我得请他来到泰拉脱口秀 l knew l had to have him on The Tyra Show.
他就是畅销书，放手，的作者... He's the best-selling author of Letting Go...
怎样让你的过去成为过去 How To Get Past Your Past.
非常欢迎 通过内布拉斯加州的卫星传输... Please welcome, via satellite from Forest Meadow, Nebraska...
约翰．法利！ John Farley!
嘿，约翰，感觉如何？ Hey, John, how you doing?
太棒了 l feel great.
不错，你应该这样 Well, good. You should.
我的意思是，你的书鼓励了... l mean, your book is inspiring...
如此多的人 so many people across this country.
谁给了你最大的灵感？ Who's been your biggest inspiration?
—呃，我妈妈 —啊... - Uh, my mom. - Aah.
是的，我妈妈也给了我最大的灵感 See, my mom is my biggest inspiration too.
我的意思是 我不可能在这，要不是... l mean, l would not be where l am today were it not--
强尼，你是否考虑过... Johnny, do you ever think of...
这么多年的独处 对我来说是怎样的吗？ what it was like for me to be on my own all those years?
我想说，来吧，伙计们 把欢呼给所有的妈妈们 l mean, come on, you guys, give it up for mommas everywhere!
呜！ Whoo!
抱...抱歉，我得走了 l'm--l'm sorry. l gotta go.
—约翰？ —给我回到那去！ - John? - You go back in there!
—不，我不会的！ —回到那去，卖掉那些该死的书！ - No, l won't! - Go in there and sell that goddamn book!
不，我不要！我妈妈需要我！ No, l won't! My mom needs me!
我才不管这些废话！ l don't give a shit!
给我坐回那去然后说点什么... You're gonna go in there and say something...
否则我要把手插进你的屁股里... or l'm gonna shove my arm up your ass...
把你弄得像个木偶一样！ and work you like a puppet!
让我离开！ Let go of me!
好吧！滚吧，娘们！ Fine! Run, you pussy!
—回到你妈那去吧！ —真是个婊子！ - Go back to your mommy! - What a bitch!
看我在乎不！ See if l care!
冷静点，拜托！ Quiet, please!
我不知该怎么办！我不知该怎么办！ l don't know what to do! l don't know what to do!
哈...哈...哈，约翰，小心点 他正在帮助人家 Ha ha ha. OK, John, take care. He's helping people.
—你来还想要什么？ —听着 - You back for more? - Look.
我错了，好吗？ l screwed up, OK?
与往常不一样 Big time.
我本不该打扰的，我-- l shouldn't have meddled. l--
我...很抱歉 l'm...sorry.
你别假惺惺的了 Are you wearing make-up?
事实上是... The truth is...
我这样做，是因为我想让我妈妈快乐 l did it because l wanted my mom to be happy.
事实证明，能让我妈快乐的... And as it turns out, the thing that makes my mom happy...
令人难以自信的... unbelievably...
是你 is you.
太迟了 lt's too late.
她已经自有打算了，法利 She's made her mind up, Farley.
什么？我妈应该是你最棒的一个际遇 What? My mom's the best thing that's ever happened to you.
某天你约会时，你就会明白了 One day you'll date girls and you'll understand.
一旦女人作出决定... Once a woman makes her mind up...
就不可能改变了 there's no changing it.
哦，我知道了，你害怕了 Oh, l get it. You're scared.
你最后一次的婚姻破裂 是因为她欺骗了你 Your last marriage fell apart because she was cheating on you.
一次又一次 Again and again and again.
那个女人是不正常的，法利 谁在乎她呢 The woman's a deviant, Farley. Who cares?
所以你害怕再次受伤？ So you're scared of getting hurt again?
嘿，省下你那些自救的废话，知道吗？ Hey, spare me the self-help crap, OK?
你不是个大师， 你只是个乳臭未干的小子... You're not a guru. You're a spoiled little kid...
一个离不开母乳的家伙 who can't seem to let go of his momma's right tit.
哦，是吗？ Oh, yeah?
你只是个吹着口哨的娘们！ Well, you're just a pussy with a whistle!
是吗？ Really?
你这该死的小混蛋 You cocky little shit.
你觉得你会比我强吗？ Do you actually think you're tougher than me?
哦...随时随地 Oh. Any time, any place.
换上制服，法利 Get the rentals, Farley.
似乎像过去一样，是吗？ Seems like old times, doesn't it?
是的，新的一天到来了 Yeah, well, a new day has come.
哦！ Ooh!
这个叫做撂倒，法利 That was called a takedown, Farley.
好吧，就只有这个样子，嗯？ OK. So that's how it's gonna be, huh?
啊！ Ah!
好的，该看我的了，伍德考克 Yep, now l'm gonna bring it, Woodcock.
你从没闭上过嘴，是吗？ You never shut up, do you?
为什么不来干掉我？ Why don't you make me?
该给你点颜色瞧瞧了，法利 Time to earn your wings, Farley.
这个叫做后拉抱，法利 lt's called a suplex, Farley.
这是我的最爱之一 lt's one of my favorites.
接着是我的另一个最爱 Here's another one of my favorites.
越共拖拽 The Vietcong shuffle.
倒转越共拖拽！ The reverse Vietcong shuffle!
接下来是雷电般的攻击，伍德考克！ Here comes the thunder, Woodcock!
噢！ Ooh!
投降吧，法利 Heads up, Farley.
—叫叔叔！ —娘们！ - Say uncle! - Pussy!
—叫呀！ —娘们！ - Say it! - Pussy!
嗷！ Ow!
俄罗斯锁喉！ Russian headlock!
人肉大背摔！ The gym teacher body slam!
你还好吧？ Are you OK?
一个反问问题，伍德考克！ Rhetorical question, Woodcock!
记得我是谁了吧？ You remember me now, don't you?
—婊子！ —噢！噢！ - Bitch! - Uh! Uh!
伍德考克先生？ Mr. Woodcock?
哦，该死！ Oh, shit.
白人男性，50岁左右，有脑震荡的可能 Got a white male, 50s, possible concussion.
这些是什么？咬过的痕迹？ What are those? Bite marks?
噢... Uh...
来吧，斯科特，把氧气罩拿开 Come on, Scooter. Get that mask off of me.
哦，谢天谢地，我以为我杀了你 Oh, thank God. l thought l'd killed you.
一把鸟枪是杀不了我的，法利 You couldn't kill me with a shotgun and a head start, Farley.
这话出自于一个躺在救护车上的男人 Said by the man flat on his back in an ambulance.
当然，这次你总算展现了点骨气 Yeah, well, it's about time you showed some backbone.
你在恭维我？ ls that a compliment?
法利，我只是想说... Farley, l'm just saying...
你今天展现你自己了，好吗？ that you showed some sack out there today, OK?
哇 Wow.
也许每个人都会留有一手 Maybe there is a human being hiding in there somewhere.
我想，很认真的说 为什么你就不能对人好一点？ l mean, seriously, why can't you be nice to people?
总是当混蛋 对自己身体健康也不好吧 lt--it's not healthy being such a dick all the time.
你这样会像你父亲一样结束一生... You're gonna end up like your dad...
一生的愤怒，痛苦，孤独 just angry and bitter and alone.
如果你真想那样，那好吧 但我不觉得 lf that's what you want, then fine, but l don't think it is.
如今，我妈妈一直独身一人在那花车上... Now, right now, my mom is on that float all by herself...
真心希望你能跟她一块 really wishing that you were up there with her.
问题是... The problem is...
你没勇气去赢回她的心了 l don't think you got the backbone to win her back.
噢，是吗？ Oh, really?
注意了！ Watch out!
加油，法利！跟上他们！ Come on, Farley! Step up the pace!
如果你没这个肥屁股，我想是可以的 l could if you weren't such a fat ass!
注意啦！抱歉！ Watch out! Excuse me!
—科彭！你没跟上节奏！ —啊！ - Keppen! You're off tempo! - Aah!
—当心点！ —你真没劲，蒙特 - Watch out! - You're flat, Mount-Gardner.
—抱歉！嘿！ —噢！ - Excuse us! Hey! - Oh!
抱歉！ Excuse us!
加油，法利！ Come on, Farley!
—妈妈！妈妈！ —贝芙丽！贝芙丽！ - Mom! Mom! - Beverly! Beverly!
噢，我的上帝呀，怎么回事？ Oh, my God, what happened?
贾斯伯，你怎么在担架上？ Jasper, why are you on that gurney?
我不知道，亲爱的，我来这，只是想说... l don't know, honey, but l'm here to say that...
我发自内心的感到抱歉 l'm basically sorry.
发自内心的抱歉？ Basically sorry?
妈妈，对于像伍德考克这样的情感残疾... Mom, for an emotional cripple like Woodcock...
这个是巨大的一步 that's a huge step.
听着，我也应该说声抱歉，好吗？ Listen, l'm the one who should be apologizing, OK?
这都是我的错 This is all my fault.
再给一个机会吧 Just give it another shot.
因为我的肺要炸掉了 'Cause my lungs are about to explode.
求你了，亲爱的 Please, honey.
—噢！ —噢，我的天！ - Oh! - Oh, my God!
停一下！停一下！ Stop! Stop!
伍德考克先生！ Mr. Woodcock!
你还好吧？ You OK?
干得好，法利 Nice work, Farley.
城里面唯一的一个洞都被你找到了 There's one pothole in this town and you managed to find it.
贾斯伯！哦，我的天！ Jasper! Oh, my God.
哦，我的天，贾斯伯 Oh, my God, Jasper.
贾斯伯 Jasper.
你还好吗？ Are you OK?
抱歉，妈妈 l'm sorry, Mom.
我认为我做了件正确的事情 l thought l was doing the right thing.
就是杀他？ By killing him?
我拨了911，不是吗？ l called 911, didn't l?
哈...哈...哈，是的 Ha ha ha. Yes.
值得的是，我想让你跟贾斯伯在一起 For what it's worth, l want you to be with Jasper.
—我不相信你 —是真的，我... - l don't believe you. - l do. l--
如果这有用的话... lf it means anything at all...
我真心祝福你 you have my blessing.
你们可以去看看伍德考克先生了 You can see Mr. Woodcock now.
听着，呃... Listen, uh...
我只是想说声我...我不应该... l just want to say l'm--l'm sorry...
作出，妈妈的跟屁虫，这样的评论 About the ''nailing your mother'' comment there.
就这样？ That's it?
你什么意思？ What do you mean?
我以为你是致歉是为了-- l thought you would apologize for--
妈妈，妈妈 Mom, Mom.
我知道，这句话出自我口 你会有点难以置信 l know this is gonna be hard for you to believe, coming from me.
但贾斯伯他确实是个好人 But Jasper is a good person.
曾经贾斯伯戏弄我-- You see, somewhere around the time Jasper was choking me--
—是的，让你自作自受 —对 - Yeah, with your own foot. - Right.
我恍然大悟 l had a revelation.
你如果不能从你的过去走出来 You don't get past your past.
就接受它吧 You embrace it.
我不再是那个总是输的小胖子了... And l'm not that fat little loser anymore...
那是因为他的推动 and that's because he pushed me.
事实上，从另一个很奇怪的角度出发... And, in a really weird way...
我能有今天，他也起了很大作用 he's a big part of who l am today.
老天，那只是体育课，你想多了吧 For Christ's sakes, it was just a P.E. class, you fruitcake.
—贾斯伯！ —好啦，是这样的 - Jasper! - Well, it was.
对吧？ See?
十个扶地挺身，法利 Set of ten, Farley.
—什么？ —开开玩笑 - What? - Just joking.
l see a bad moon rising
l see trouble on the way
l see earthquakes and lightning
圣诞快乐，伍德考克 Merry Christmas, Woodcock.
圣诞快乐，法利 Merry Christmas, Farley.
我读过你的书了 l read your book.
是吗？觉得怎样？ Really? What did you think?
这是关于，对待别人... Well, that part about, uh, treating others...
得像你想人家如何对你那样 我想是这样的 how you want to be treated, l guess that's all right.
是的，我从圣经借鉴了一些，但是... Yeah, l sort of stole that from the Bible, but...
我还是享有版权的 l'll take credit for it.
其它的部分就像屎一样了 The rest of it's pretty much crap.
见鬼的，干嘛呢？那是我的书！ What the hell, man? That's my book!
那是我的书，法利 lt's my book, Farley.
你送给我了，我想怎样就怎样 You gave it to me. l can do with it as l please.
l hear the voice of rage and ruin
Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
嘿，看，你的新书 Oh, hey. Look, your new book.
—祝贺，约翰 —让我瞧瞧 - Congrats, John. - Let me see.
—祝贺 —哦，我的天，看看这个 - Congratulations. - Oh, my gosh. Look at that.
噢，哇 Oh, wow.
是的，那个真的，真的太棒了，约翰 Yeah, it's really, really good, John.
哇，你读过了？ Wow, you read it?
不要让我在耶诞节说谎 Don't make me lie on Christmas.
好吧，当我们祝贺某人之时... Well, as long as we're congratulating people...
贝芙丽和我有点事情要宣布 Beverly and l have a little announcement.
最近，我的一个小勇士安营扎寨了... Recently, uh, one of my swimmers took hold...
呵呵！ Mm!
呃，你妈妈有了个小伍德考克了，约翰 And, uh, your mother's got a little Woodcock in her.
什么？ What?
你要做大哥了，法利 You're gonna be a big brother, Farley.
只是个玩笑而已 Just joking.
lt could be ten but then again lt could be ten but then again
l can't remember half an hour since a quarter to four l can't remember half an hour since a quarter to four
Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa
And you leave me with my jaw on the floor And you leave me with my jaw on the floor
Hey！ Hey!
Oh, just when you think you're in control Oh, just when you think you're in control
Just when you think you've got a hold Just when you think you've got a hold
Just when you got on a roll Just when you got on a roll
Oh, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again Oh, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again
Oh, here it goes again Oh, here it goes again
l shoulda known, shoulda known, shoulda known again l shoulda known, shoulda known, shoulda known again
Oh, here it goes again Oh, here it goes again
Oh, oh, here it goes again Oh, oh, here it goes again
lt starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy lt starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy
Something inching past the edge of reserve Something inching past the edge of reserve
Now through the lines of cheap Venetian blinds Now through the lines of cheap Venetian blinds
Your car is pulling off of the curb Your car is pulling off of the curb
Hey！ Hey!
Oh, just when you think you're in control Oh, just when you think you're in control
Just when you think you've got a hold Just when you think you've got a hold
Just when you've got on a roll Just when you've got on a roll
Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again
Oh, here it goes again Oh, here it goes again
l shoulda known, shoulda known, shoulda known again l shoulda known, shoulda known, shoulda known again
But here it goes again But here it goes again
Oh, here it goes, oh, here it goes Oh, here it goes, oh, here it goes
Oh, here it goes again Oh, here it goes again
Oh！Oh, here it goes again Oh! Oh, here it goes again